In psychotherapy of grief, the main thing is that the grief process is completed and remains in memory, no matter how strange it sounds, like a bright, albeit a sad event.
Of course, an ideal option for perceiving the death of a loved one or animal would be a quiet and quick grief, based on only a violation of the habit of seeing a loved one next to you. This happens to people who, quite by no means just following fashion, realize that the soul of a person passes into the higher worlds, and there she is more than good. The work of reincarnation hypnologists, as well as the stories of people who have experienced clinical death, indicate that a person’s soul can only regret that their relatives cry for the dead, not realizing that the departed person is in a good mood after his death, if possible put it that way.
However, few people perceive death in this way - while this is unusual for society. Accordingly, the thought-pity that a person is more "never already ..." is firmly held in consciousness. And not only this thought, but a whole gamut of thoughts, sensations that roll after each other like tsunamis, not allowing a person to rest in grief and begin to comprehend what is happening in a way that is reasonable and effective for themselves.
So, what can a person feel in grief and how to work with it (the list below cannot be sorted out somehow, everyone feels one thing more than the other).
1) "How am I going to be without ...?"
A similar thought can be in two main cases.
a) The first is the presence of dependence on the departed. For example, now the wife will have to earn money on her own. Or someone who gave constant warmth and support left. And now a person has a feeling of loneliness and abandonment. Such things are always the fate of long-term therapy. If a person does not understand how he can not cope without another, then he needs to build confidence, strength, he needs to get out of the state of a constant child who cannot do anything himself, he needs to learn to be independent.
b) In the case when very pleasant memories are associated with the departed (with a child, with a pet). In this case, it seems that in no other situation will such beautiful sensations be repeated. It is appropriate to recall Victor Frankl: “What we have accomplished in the fullness of our past life and its experience is our inner wealth, which no one and nothing can take from us.”
It is necessary to make a list of positive feelings that were caused by communication with a loved one. For example, evening conversations, kisses at a meeting, vacation at sea, special moments, secrets, etc. The larger and more detailed the list, the better. Further, according to each of the points, it is necessary to evoke pleasant sensations that were there, note them in the body, pay attention to the fact that these sensations arise easily and freely, even when a person is not around! That is, what was experienced, no one can take away, even death. At any, absolutely any point in time, you can cause these sensations.
It would also be nice to go to places where consciousness fixes a loved one. For example, the husband often stood in the corner of the kitchen, leaning on the windowsill, talking. Let the woman stand not far from this place and visualize her husband there. Surprisingly, but most likely, she suddenly calmed down a little. If you walk this way around all the "reference" places where a person is visualized, you can very relieve the pain of loss.
In general, the task is to understand that all the good things connected with the departed person have not gone anywhere, but live right here and now in a living loved one.
2) Feeling of guilt. Something is not said, something is not finished.
It is necessary to visualize the person and tell him everything that he wanted. Perhaps to say about love, perhaps to ask for forgiveness. If it was necessary to do something, then you need to decide to do it in another similar case, and do it.
Continued in the article "Psychotherapy of grief (part 2)"