Often a person is aware of his problem, but the thought that he can somehow solve it terrifies him. And in the end, he prefers to turn a blind eye to her decision, by all means delay the moment when he has to deal with the problem.
What is behind this? Why is it so incredibly difficult to force yourself to not even solve your problem, but at least to look into her eyes?
The fact is that we can be aware of the problem, but there are still a lot of things that we do not realize, they are sitting in our unconscious, and they are the ones who resist the problem being solved.
What are these opponents of solving our problems?
Secondary benefits
Yes Yes. A disease can be no less valuable than health.
For example, in case of illness, it is not necessary to plow heavily on an unloved job, or during illness someone pays attention to you, at other times this does not happen.
Secondary benefits are not only in the disease, but also in other conditions.
In a state of depression, you can stupidly click on the TV channels, explaining to yourself that there is no longer any opportunity to do anything else. Offended by someone, one can subconsciously consider that you offend the offender by insulting, incinerating him with thoughts. Annoyed at a child, you can subconsciously take revenge on your mother, as if yelling at her as she was yelling at you.
Secondary benefits can be easily realized or hidden in your unconscious. But they are.
And if they are, then the meaning of healing / changing their behavior is sharply reduced, is not it?
Parent prescription
“Do not rejoice, do not live life to the fullest,” is how your parents programmed you when they tried by all means to stop your noisy behavior day after day.
And now you are depressed and want to get out of it. But somewhere in the subcortex you hear parental “no way”. Do you think that you just set it aside?
It is possible, but not easy. Therefore, it seems to you that it is better to sit in depression and not to leave it.
The conflict of our parts
One part wants to be healthy, and the second wants to be sick. One part is working, and the other is lazy. One part wants to be sexy, and the other is afraid of it and rejects such an opportunity. And so it can be in everything. Which is stronger - this one wins.
Well, there are technologies to strengthen the part you need or transform both, if you so wish.
But you don’t know about it, and you just don’t understand why it seems like you want it, and it’s prickling, and you can’t decide on how to change everything.
Self-punishment
Self-punishment is instilled in us in childhood.
“I could have arranged my personal life differently if it weren’t for you ...” And now the child already knows that he is to blame for his mother’s unhappy life. And those who are guilty are punished (also from childhood experience, of course).
And growing up, the child punishes himself, for example, with his own unhappy life. Or something else.
There may be many strange things sitting in our unconscious. This list is not exhaustive.
The main thing is that now you can understand that behind the desire to change there can be a mountain of internal obstacles, beliefs that will prevent you from even taking the first step.
It is with this mountain that you need to start working if you have far-reaching plans for changing yourself.