I was recently asked about "whining" and how to fight it.
To begin with, if you look at different dictionaries, we can find out that the word "whine" refers to persistent pain or monotonous, monotonous complaints.
People often define whining as complaints that last longer than they would like. Or whining is an unpleasant conversation with sad overtones that is directed at them.
Whining is often a form of manipulation that shows that a whining person is in an unpleasant position, feels bad, and in general is in any way bad. This is not just a statement of facts about the state of the soul, but an attempt to cause guilt or altruistic qualities in the interlocutor. Often people experience aggression and aversion in these cases to the whining. Their internal problems and attitudes require them to engage in activities to improve the lives of the poor and unhappy, but at the level of intellect they understand that they use them.
That is to say, to leave and shrug off when the neighbor does not allow conscience, and the mind suggests that conscience in this case is not very right and does not know what is really happening.
Such manipulative whining can be defined by the fact that a person has been whining on the same topic for years. In spite of a lot of advice and practical help, he does not stop whining. The whining is directed, often to force the interlocutor to do something or not to do something.
However, "whining" is often referred to as the need for people to share negative emotions. This need is very important in any group of people and brings them together. One says I feel bad and the other is ready to accept his pain and share it. That is, it is a form of unity between people. And everyone knows that when you share your experiences with someone important to you who has a positive emotional connection, it gets better. Even if this person sat silently and just listened, showed empathy and empathy.
Women are more in need of such periods of sad emotional unity. There was information that women, when talking about problems in such a way, assimilate and realize their emotional state. But men often briefly share their emotions with their male circle. And it often happens that if a woman begins to tell a man about all her emotional nuances, the man may be irritated by it. Why all this whining, if everything can be said in 2 words?
But even here the situation can be complicated by the peculiarities of the interlocutors. Firstly, "aching" can simply share their emotions, but to do it is very long and confusing. His interlocutor, who at first was ready to share the emotions, runs out of patience, he is angry, but in moral and ethical terms can not leave a friend in his long monologue.
On the other hand, people often feel guilty about someone else being sick. The "wailing", whatever the nature of it, requires them to act. Sometimes they are just aggressive towards manipulative whinnies for forcing them to do things they don't want to do. And in other cases they are also angry at those who "share" negative emotions with them. "If you whine, you want me to do something for you, but I won't. What's more, it's not uncommon for emotionally "dividing emotions" to simply divide emotions.
The interlocutor waits for a specific command or request to do with it. The only thing he or she needs to do to share emotions is to demonstrate acceptance and to share his or her emotions. Concretely, nothing is needed, only everything is at the level of feelings. This causes irritation and misunderstanding of the interlocutor "whining". "If you don't want something to be done, why do you smear your snot?
Therefore, in order to "live in peace and harmony" you need to know why you are whining, and the interlocutor needs to know what is expected of him in this situation. To share emotions with those who need it, and to avoid manipulators who press pity.