1. It's useless to talk about the rules
At least until the age of ten, the child thinks in concrete terms. Words are not enough to understand anything. Children need to be shown how to behave: "Let me show you. You don't just have to explain, you have to show them how to behave. It is very important to take age into account, because the difference in perception at different stages of development is very significant: a child of three and six years old is not the same thing at all.
Imagine the situation. You are sitting at the table with your child. The child's food falls, the table gets dirty or swings on a chair. Your reaction? I'm sure you'll say something like, "Behave yourself at the table! But what is "decent"? It's clear to you that you don't need to rock, cut off the food in small pieces, don't put your elbows on the table. And a child cannot afford such a generalization. Tell us in detail, by items, your expectations. Don't forget that the best example is yours: "Let me show you how to treat our dog or cat.
2 Emotionality only hurts
The parent, who is ruled by emotions, tries to build a continuous connection with the child, to indicate his presence. He reacts immediately to his behavior with words and sometimes with shouts and punishments. He puts all his soul into education, but without any sense.
It is not easy for a parent to contain emotions when his or her own child is looking for any loophole every day to bypass the rules, arguing, disobeying and behaving as he or she wishes. For example, Sarah wrote a letter to the author of the book where she complained about her son, who loves cartoons too much.
Sara is sure she has established good rules, so she asks the only possible question: "Why is my son acting wrong? He leads to another one: "What do I do to make him behave properly? There is already a rule. Therefore, the child is to blame for the mistake.
She says she makes an arrangement with her son to turn off the TV at what time. But there is no point in making an agreement with a six-year-old child: at this age it only confuses the child and prevents him from understanding the situation correctly. It is not clear to the child whether it is a rule or something else can be agreed upon with the mother. Sarah thinks that her child can limit herself on her own, but she is still too young to do so.
3. It's the parents, not the children.
It's not the kids that should change, it's the parents. This gives hope: do not think that the child is behaving in the wrong way, that he or she has any problems, pathologies, abnormalities or disorders. By adjusting your parenting system, you will believe in yourself again as a parent and caregiver, and your child will start to trust you.
If a child is young, he or she needs clear and understandable rules, and to make them work, he or she needs a good organization. It is necessary to minimize any explanations, shouts, arguments, reproaches and defences and to shift the attention from the child's behavior to the parents' behavior. They need to relieve the child of unnecessary anxiety, stop trying to diagnose him or her, and do not cause him or her stress by being too insistent and impracticable.
4. Punishment replaces organization
So far, many teachers are convinced that the student can only understand and learn the rules through punishment and shouting. This is why there are constant problems with the organisation. Punishments replace the necessary clarity and clear requirements.