1. Scolding and telling off a teenager is the most pointless thing
If you give your child another lecture or yell at him/her, you will get no result but a negative one. He or she will be even more distant from you. Whenever you are tempted to do so, imagine yourself in his place. What will you do if someone yells at you? First you feel offended, aggressive, wanting to cry or answer, and finally you stop communicating with this person. So why do you think your scream should have a therapeutic effect on your child? Sooner or later the child stops hearing you and closes.
The only conclusion is that this model of communication is ineffective primarily for you.
2. Children are afraid of the parents' reaction
Learn not to feel dissatisfied with your child and remove the criticism. At all! Teenagers always feel when you do not like something and when you are dissatisfied with them. Even if you are silent. And if you react negatively to everything, he or she starts to feel anxious. First, he stops trusting you, and then he stops seeing you. And he will find a replacement for you.
3. If there is no problem, say "Stop!
Ask yourself a question and answer it honestly: do you just not like something in the child or is it really a problem? For example, if a child dyed his or her hair green, that's not a good thing. But is that a problem? Does it threaten the child's life? It's just a way of expressing oneself, and the vast majority of teenagers go through this period. I realized in time that there are far-fetched problems, but there are real ones.
4. If there is a problem set
A specific and achievable taskFor example, if I understand that my daughter will never become an excellent student, I will not set a task before her to make an excellent student out of her in any way. It's stupid. Everyone has their own abilities and capabilities. I will set the task to improve the grades she has now. Don't expect a child to do something he or she can't do.
5. Tasks are divided into simple and complex
Simple tasks can be solved by parents without the child's participation. They are called complicated when the child has to do something. In order to solve a difficult task, the child has to agree with this task. If the child does not have his or her own motivation, the task is impossible. It has to be changed.
6. There shouldn't be a lot of tasks
It is not possible to solve several tasks simultaneously and continuously. Having achieved some one result, be happy and leave your child alone for at least six months. There is no need to put infinite solutions to problems on the thread.
7. If a teenager does not want to learn, the task of parents is to give the elephant a carrot
Imagine an elephant with a rider sitting on it. The rider is what we want. And an elephant is what our child can do. If the elephant does not want to move in the direction in which the rider wants to move, what happens? The elephant wins. Our parental task is to stand next to the elephant and praise him; to offer him carrots and maybe he'll go quietly forward.
8. A's do not make a person happy
All people have different abilities. I'm not good at drawing. I could train five hours a day and draw a beautiful elephant one day. But then I wouldn't be able to do what I do best and I enjoy it. I wouldn't have time for math. It happens the other way around. The child is talented in drawing, but parents do their best to get an "A" in math while ruining their talent for fine arts. Will this five make the child happy? Abilities need to be developed.
9. People without ambitions can also be happy
Just understand and accept that if you want your child to be an excellent student, and in the first place, it doesn't mean he needs it. It's not vital for all people to be the best and most recognized. Many children enjoy doing what they like and do, and they grow up to be perfectly happy and harmonious people. And excellent students, constantly feeling anxious and afraid to make a mistake, often do not find themselves in adult life.
10. School does not teach you to be happy
There is one very useful exercise that helps to better understand parental tasks.
You need to take the paper and divide it into two parts. In the left side, write down the qualities you need to learn well (perseverance, motivation, memory, school grades, performance, responsibility, diligence, ability to follow the rules). And in the right - the qualities that are necessary for success and happiness in life (self-confidence, health, inner harmony, emotional intelligence, the ability to communicate). What you wrote in the right column is not taught at school. You and I should pass this on to our children.
The task of education is to ensure that by the age of 18 a person can be responsible for his or her own life.