The psychology of the victim is a psychological attitude that is characterized by a passive attitude to events in a person's life.
A person with this attitude does not control his own life, does not accept responsibility for what is happening to him, in his picture of the world there is even no possibility of an active life position. Accordingly, such a person does not have the skills to defend his interests (they are not formulated). There are no skills to plan and implement their own future.
What are the benefits and advantages of which the author of the letter speaks?
There are two sides to everything. Sometimes, even in the downsides, you can find the pros if you try very hard. For example, you don't have to take responsibility, choose, don't worry about your future, don't worry. We have already thought about it. Why fight? It is always easier to swim downstream. Even if the current carries into the sewerage drain.
Doubtful advantages, however, a person is accustomed to the fact that for him everything is decided by other people or circumstances. It is easy to say "change", but here's how to do it in practice?
Why doesn't a person want to stop being a victim?
Imagine a person who has never walked. It's just that when he was a child he wasn't allowed to do it. And some kind person looks at this poor man and says: "Get up and go! You have legs, you don't have broken nerves. You can go! Why are you lying down? Because this man can't walk! Children have been learning this for several years. And he doesn't believe that it's all about skills and desire, he thinks that he was born "unable to walk" like that.
A person with a victim's psychology is also a disabled person who was not allowed to choose and define his own actions in childhood. Well, he can't just "stop being a victim", because it takes a long time to learn. He had no experience when he determined his own life, achieved his goals and fought. He thinks that he was just so "unwilling".
How to make a man want to change his life?
The first thing to do is to help him believe that this is possible. To do this, you need to raise his self-esteem. Why isn't the person trying?
Because he (she) has a number of axioms in his (her) head about himself, for example:
- I'm a failure.
- "Loser."
- "I can't stand up for myself."
- "I'm weak."
- "He was born that way."
- "I'm not going through with anything..."
- "I can't/can't do it."
and so on...
A man has repeated these self-influences many thousands of times, found confirmation in his failures, maybe other people told him this. Such self-inspirations and suggestions act as "mental walls" that block behaviour that does not fit into these formulas.
How are negative beliefs formed?
Negative beliefs are formed through traumatic experiences.
For example, let's consider the scheme of formation of belief "I am a loser(s)"
- A man has failed to achieve any goal
- A man asks himself the question "why?"
- Of all the options (unfavorable circumstances, badly tried, chose the wrong course of action, etc.), the person chooses as the reason "Probably the reason is that I am simply not able to do it.
- "I am a loser.
Now he will look at everything that happens to him through this prism and find more and more evidence of it. If this person can do something, he won't notice it. If it is a failure, the person will remember it and make sure once again that he is a loser. In the end, this belief reaches such a strength that the person does not even try to do something about it.
Beliefs can also be formed by other people. For example, if someone authoritative says "You're a loser," then a person can agree with this inside and continue his life's journey with this belief.
How can you help a person to raise their self-esteem and believe in themselves?
To do this, you need to notice some things that this person does well and start to notice his progress. Thus, you help a person to get a positive experience, switching his attention from a pile of failures to a pile of successes!
For example, if a person's belief is "I'm a loser", you need to notice his luck, to focus his attention on them.
If a person's belief "I can't stand up for myself", you have to create conditions when he will defend his interests and celebrate his success in this direction.
Summarizing the article, to help a person with the psychology of the victim can be so: