I am not a friend to my child. As much as I do not want to facilitate this my participation - not a friend. I am more, deeper, more secure. Even before he was born, I made a choice and made important commitments. I have been honored and empowered by God to the best of my ability to be a son's guarantor of acceptance and love, safety and respect for dignity. I feel responsible and she does not allow me to be just a friend. Until recently, I was afraid to say it, because all the moms around are swaying, "my son/daughter and I are real friends," and no puzzles were forming in my head. Because, in my opinion, people often just do not think about the essence of things.
Just as the presence of beetroot, carrots, potatoes, and oil does not make the Shuba salad borsch, so do the sincere relationships and the atmosphere of acceptance does not make motherhood a friendship. These are different dishes.
But finally, it was formulated very specifically: I think we are hurting our children with these "inaccurate" wording and confusion. Even if I equate us in rights, I will not be able to equate us to our duties. So this is no longer friendship. Normal friends always remain free, however, the law forbids me at 13 to give the child a bag in his hands, show a hat, door and let go for free swimming, because the love of all life and school suddenly became out of date. I just cannot be identical to a friend because my love is different - it is unconditional. To the last breath, he will be my son and can not be influenced by external circumstances.
My love is not to be deserved, but the respect of a friend is necessary. He owes you nothing, you have equal rights, responsibilities and you can lose him if you do not learn to build relationships. A friend will not fully provide for you while you study, will not cook, wash, wash dishes for you and persuade you to go out for a long time. And mom will never shoot you on video, if you decide to jump on the roof of the train, it will not extend you a "jamb" to try everything in the world, will not cover, if you want to steal someone else's apples.
She will never be able to tell you everything as a girlfriend, between you, at least years of experience, she will protect you from everything that is still difficult to digest. You will not take your mother to a party, she will automatically have a maternal instinct when you start looking for trouble on your own head. And you can continue this list endlessly. These two roles are not to be confused even if you really want to. Because really moms
very scary. They are afraid of losing their usual control, of being left behind, displaced by friends and a new circle of communication. And from there, all those incredible games and missteps follow, trying to replace the child with everything and becoming a friend, taking over the role of all the most important people in life. Moms go to parties, beat the breasts of the tattoo they do not understand to themselves and do not know how best to show young people their present. But everyone's role is different.
And, as if in a large orchestra on a global scale, it is probably necessary to stop trying to play all the parties at the same time and just learn how to perform their quality. Because then everything can suddenly fall into place. After all, being a mom is more than being a friend.
True love is not in the suppression of whims and corruption of permissiveness, not in the distortion of the concept of friendship as a relationship where the unblemished is carried.
Mom's mission is more important. By a certain age, her word simply must be decisive, at least because it is her duty of love, she protects the child, preparing her for independence, gradually expanding her boundaries.
The task is not to become the "best, hassle-free" friend, but to nurture a person with whom they want to be friends and build an equal relationship.
Both trust and love and support are already included in the "maternal tariff". You don't necessarily need to have blue braids or listen to Monatik. Just stay an island of love, pray for the children, teach them, make it clear that the home is a place of safety and let it leave when the time comes, leaving the door open.
At least, I do not dream of more, otherwise, I do not see, to that I sincerely aspire.