Maternity fatigue is something every woman can feel. Some people talk about it openly, others - they experience internal contradictions. It would seem that such a desirable baby, various household difficulties are several times less than 20 years ago, and young mothers suffer from chronic fatigue. What are the causes of this phenomenon and can it be combated?
Why is it difficult to be a mom?
Modern development has brought many things that have made life easier for young parents: diapers, washing machines, dishwashers, a number of things that make baby care easier. So what's wrong? Psychologists say that modern parents are less ready for parenthood. Have young mothers not experienced such difficulties before? What is the cause of modern moms' problems? Unprepared? Ignorance? Lack of experience? All this was felt by young mothers at all times. But if we dig deeper, we will see that the reason is an egocentric setting that does not sufficiently develop sacrifice, selflessness. The modern approach to life supersedes these two qualities.
The information space of the modern man says that we need to satisfy our needs, accumulate our impressions, satisfy our needs to have. Becoming a mother in the center becomes a child, her needs and desires because from the very beginning she is completely dependent on her parents. A young mother must be able to give her love, care, physical and spiritual strength with virtually nothing in return. Very often, parents are not ready for this. After all, from the videos and photos, happy parents and happy children smile at them, they talk about the joy of fatherhood around them and many do not even think about what remains behind the scenes.
In addition, very often parents are so concerned about life, making money, and solving various problems that they simply cannot enjoy their fatherhood. Lock the designer or wash the dishes? Most will choose the second option. After all, it seems to us that playing is a waste of your time.
We look forward to the moment when children learn to play themselves, will be less distracted, less asked questions… Instead of stopping and enjoying the moment, which is NOW - adults are expecting that it will be THAT time. This expectation is also tiring, taking away energy. With your remoteness, your adulthood, a wall is built between your world and that of your child.
Find joy in children
How to discover the magic of childhood? Look at your children in a different way… If you do it through the prism of anxiety, your own authority, then you will get nothing but fatigue.
The children's world is a world where there are no false intonations, where simplicity and openness, trust in adults and something else we do not know reigns supreme. Your baby is a sprout growing under your care.
Of course, children do not yet have the experience, they do not know much, but that does not mean that they cannot be interesting interlocutors. Often, the inner life of a child is obscured by what seems more urgent: health, material support, intellectual development, education! And what goes on in the baby's soul escapes attention. Hence the frivolous attitude towards the child's personality grows, in fact, its neglect.
Recently, I watched a social video, attended by children and parents. Initially, they asked their parents (but not to hear the children) what kind of gift their children dream of. Parents called a variety of equipment, toys, entertainment. Then the children were asked what they would like a gift for - it could be both tangible and not tangible.
Most children said they dreamed of… a day with their parents. Someone dreamed of traveling, someone cycling, or just playing games. And indeed, when I remember my early childhood, the happiest memories are not about gifts, but about time spent with my parents: learning to ride a bike, playing badminton, a family hike to the forest…
The smaller the child, the more time and care it takes. But over time, that changes. And if the child is not alone - then very quickly they start playing together with little or no parental intervention.
But mom or dad have to feel the moment when they need their child - something is bothering him, someone has offended. Then you need to pay attention and show love to give your child this confidence. Every child should have a sense of their own importance, need, and motherly love. Answering a child's question is also a matter of attention and respect. Even if your child asks for some nonsense - you shouldn't talk about it, answer as honestly as possible. After all, being able to ask the question correctly, not being afraid to ask it is one of the keys to successful learning. An adult should not be an authoritarian educator, but rather a wise, life-supporting mediator, which creates the conditions for the development of the child's spiritual "I".
But where to get the strength?
Rather, it is a matter, not so much of physiology as of the spiritual realm. After all, it is very often the internal resources that mom lacks. By taking the home side of life as a major part of family life, we are driving ourselves into a routine. Life exhausts energy, leads to fatigue, and sometimes even destroys the family.
Capturing family traditions, holidays, evenings and meetings will help you get out of the captivity of life - any kind of activity that demonstrates family togetherness, an inspired activity that brings people together, turns fatigued into joy!
But all this does not exclude the personal rest that any person, adult, and small, needs - loneliness is necessary to come to oneself, to relax, to gather thoughts. Remember that there must be some distance, personal space, between all family members. Very often, families have a strict discipline that can completely inhibit the development of its members - both adults and children.
Also, try to follow certain guidelines. A chaotic schedule is not only an external mess but also an internal one - a source of conflict and loss of power. Here are some helpful tips:
Elementary planning will stop worrying about a bunch of unsolved affairs.
- Try to eliminate unnecessary things you can do without. This can free up time for rest in order to regain consciousness.
- Find the opportunity to be alone in silence to gather strength and relax, do not forget to give this opportunity to children.
- There is a need to learn to ignore certain aspects of “motherhood”, such as infighting and quarreling between children.