As a member of the Union of Russian Cineastes, I've worked up a set of brief instructions for Western producers, writers and directors who want to make «true film about Russian life»:
1. Say you're basing your movie on a Russian story.
2. Give the leading male positive role to an actor with a «manly» appearance.
3. To show his endless attraction to Russian nature, church and children. Have him mouth deep psychological thoughts about «the essence of being».
4. Make the principal Bad Guy look nasty with uncommon eyebrows and a curly black wig. His residence must have foreign posters on its flat-painted walls and Cosmopolitan magazine on the table. He should show an eager desire to run off over the border, visit underground clubs, make fun of Russian boldness and - the main thing - have an affair with another's Slavic wife.
5. It's necessary for the heroine not only to show a bright Russian manner but wardrobe to match... such as big «sarafan»(a female costume in old Russia). She can have her weaknesses, certainly, as does everyone. Even commit adultery. None of it is her fault, however; she is simply a victim of the Mafia.
6. Between the Bad and Good Guys of a True Film about Russia you can't omit the «intermediate link»: one hesitating character - an alcoholic doctor, for example - who is torn between Good and Evil.
7. For the creation of action tension it's okay to use: explosion of secret laboratory; a car accident; stripteases in rock club, and location footage in Paris.
8. Photographically, a Fine Arts representation must be made through poetic contrast: milky fog drifting over green fields and a pensive cow will definitely underline the alienation evoked in the Russian soul by your images of the cold shine of Western skyscrapers, luxurious shops and bottles of White horse (more suggestive of deceitful, negative characters than Stolichnaya vodka).
9. If, seeing the end result, critics and some spectators are indignant over the primitive drama, dialogue and performances, and the director's pretentious amateurism, they should be rebutted by special advertisements in the mass newspapers and TV-channels.
10. If that doesn't work, than the last advice is simple as everything that's brilliant: declare publicly (preferably on TV) that your film can be understood and appreciated only by True Lovers of True Russian Culture.
Alexander Fedorov, 2001