Crossroad

She was sitting on the balcony staring at the brightest star and couldn't keep her eyes off. The wine glass in her hand make her think that she looked very elegant and mature, even though it was only the warm feeling that the wine brought her covering the sharp corners of her puerile naive but already severely damaged soul. The star seemed to be calling her. it  was wispering her something that was definately of great importance but the noise of tumbling thoughts didn't let her hear everything. All she could catch was 'empty........away.........stop.........next.....' She couldnt make any sense out of it.

The world stopped being simple for her. Good proved to be able to become evil and Evil seemed to be not that bad anymore. Black and white turned into various hints of grey. All those dogmas of moral were bursting at the seams. Even truth felt like an unnecessary appendix that still existed but noone gave it even a second glance passing by it, kicking it indifferently and shoving it away when it happpened to be in their way.

The wine helped to slow down the round dance of her thoughts, but the 'what if' ideas were agressively looming in her head.

She felt like standing at the crossroad: 3 ways right in front of her, 3 possible solutions, 3 completely dirrefent outcomes. She didnt have a right for a mistake, she had only one shot and the recoil might be deadly for her. Apprehensively she made a step up in one direction, but very quickly almost at lightening speed she put her foot back. Her face was distorted by fear that she had done something wrong. But in less than a second she pulled herself together and put her mask back on.

She loved this mask so much that sometimes she really believed that it reflected her inner self. She hardly ever took it off, even at the moments of intimacy and heartwarming conversations. It made her feel safe, protected and confident. But what is most important it helped her to forget about how vulnerable she used to be, how cold-bloodedly she was thrown away like an unwanted kitten, how quickly she was forgotten.

At rare moments of boredom she wanted to dive in the first adventure that would come in her way. But every time the adventure knocked on her door, she happened not to be home. The adventure tried to phone her, but she was taking shower and missed the calls.