Love Misunderstood
The part of Makota in the aquatic saga remains somewhat mysterious, mostly due to everybody's obsession with Rin – Haru relationship. It goes without saying that Makota is romantically in love with his friend Haru. There is even no sense in searching for evidence , it's all there. While studying in high junior, Makota struggled through a short difficult period after having been asked a simple question “Do you swim only to be with Haru?”. What he was trying to do is actually to deny that his attachment to Haru lies beyond mere friendship.
After Makoto accepts the fact that he loves Haru apart from swimming, there follows a beautiful scene of two boys swirling around each other in the swimming pool like playing dolphins, full-clothed, without taking their eyes from the face of each other. This is the only romantic scene in the whole TV saga. No, wait! The 2nd season of the TV show mirrors that scene emphasizing it (Rin, Makoto and Haru lie in the sunset-lit ocean).
As I have already said, Mako's feelings are no secret for anyone but, for some time, himself. What is ten times more intriguing is Haru's reaction. Makoto's period of depression lasts for a week or two during which Haru feels rejected and avoided by his friend. He is depressed of course, he loses his interest in doing the relay, he tries to reach Makoto several times (which is not typical of Haru, to switch into active interrogative mode) and... he nearly starves himself to death which ends with IV treatment in hospital. Here is a question: have you ever had a friend who would turn out to be hospitalized after a falling out? This is the measure of Haru's feelings for Makoto. The last thing he says before collapsing on the sidewalk is his ritual phrase 'I told you, don't call me Haruko' addressing Mako. Here is a statement, as simple as Haru's set of mind: his world stands on swimming, Makoto and mackerel. Don't bother trying to change any of it. All Haru's breakdowns are related to his fear to lose Makoto. Here are the facts.
Back in middle school Makoto couldn't afford to attend the swimming club because he had to take care of his little brother and sister so Haru left the club too. The things in the club weren't going well at that time, no wonder it fell apart leaving Ikuya alone, but still Haru didn't even try to hang on to his precious swimming and his promise to Iku as long as Makoto wasn't there. It really looks the other way around compared to what coach Nao said: it's Haru who swims only if Makoto is there.
Later in junior high, we already know what happened: while Makoto distanced himself from Haru, unable for some time accept the truth about how deep his attachment to his friend is, Haru lost interest in swimming, his results and dedication went south, he lost appetite and opposing his reserved nature demanded an explanation from Makoto more than once. Being separated from his best friend has totally shaken his existence. Reestablishing their bond makes Haru completely romantic and optimistic. It was clearly seen that Makoto's shy confession in love wasn't a shock for him but rather an inspiration.
The third time Haru goes through a mental breakdown is on the threshold of graduation. Again, he can't swim, he can't sleep, he is upset all the time. As a result, he simply hits the ground in the middle of an important race. (TV show, S02 ep 9 ) The leitmotiv of this period is the question “What would you do if a scout from a first-rate college approaches you?” Haru acts irrationally, he tries to hide from the decision. Rin chases him hoping to find out his plans, and Makoto starts the same conversation too but Haru only gets angry. The order of events here is very important to understand the situation:
1) The graduation is coming, Haru is frustrated, he doesn't want to make up his mind neither he is ready to discuss it with his friends.
2) He fights over it with Rin. He fights over it with Makoto.
3) Makoto tells him he's going to college in Tokyo.
4) Rin takes Haru to Sindney, Australia, where Haru makes peace with himself and declares that he will swim competitively (TV show, S02, ep 12)
On the surface it looks like Rin fixes the situation being there for Haru and broadening his perception of the international sport. However, anger and frustration are not what follows a teenager's indecisiveness about his future. Anger and frustration appear when a boy is helpless which is exactly how Haru feels because not only he loses his cozy little world of local swimming, but he also doesn't know where Makoto is going. In fact, simply entering a college in Tokyo would resolve all his hesitation for at least 4 or 5 years because college sport is only one step more pressing than high school sport and it's not like everyone competes at the international level. It's not such a crucial change of scenery with as much swimming included as one can wish – if only Haru was sure that Makoto would there for him. While both Mako and Rin demand a decision from Haru, Haru is only anxious about Mako's future plans and holds him guilty for not making up his mind yet (which sounds quite out-of -the-line, to call a friend 'hypocrite' for not choosing a college). Haru is also upset about Makota visiting the career counselor and not telling him.
It looks like he is hurting about how to recreate his world where he can swim and be with Makoto rather than just about to compete or not to compete. In Sidney not only sensitive and loyal (yes, he is) Rin shows him the International Aquatic Center, first he gives Haru a friendly shoulder to cry on about his falling out with Makoto.
'It's OK, - Rin says. - Sosuke and me fight too.'
'But it was our first fight,' - doesn't drop the subject Haru revealing that it is weighing heavily on his mind.
That's why it is reasonable to suppose that after Haru finds out about Makoto moving to Tokyo what really bothers him is not a career choice anymore but falling out with his BF. Thumbs up for Rin, he knows it all.
'Makoto has already decided on his future plans, he'll tell you everything as soon as we're back,- promises he to Haru.
Rin knows where the problem is. In Tokyo, at the airport Rin hands Haru over to Mako, Haru and Mako make peace – and this is where the whole matter is resolved. Haru looks away and blushes a little - like he often does having a cordial word with Makota.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that Haru goes around with one thing on his mind 'Oh, what do I do to keep Makota?' He is certainly under a lot of pressure, choosing the way in life is no laughing matter, but imagine how things would be different if Makoto had given him an early headstart about going to study in Tokyo. The fact is, entering a college in Tokyo and swimming for their team is the easiest and obvious choice for Haru. If only he could make it being sure that Makoto would be by his side.
The fourth and the most serious mental stress catches Haru right on sport of the All-Japan Tournament (TV show, S03 ep 12). Just before a race, another dumb trainer, Azuma, comes up with the idea that a dedicated swimmer must have a special mindset sacrificing personal attachments for the sake of the bigger goal. Babam! Thanks a lot, coach. The result is an indecisive late start as well as Haru slows down at the end of the race feeling his whole body is tied up with invisible ropes. “... like he had something going on on his mind”, - says Azuma later. Of course he has! You've seen to it.
Is he ready to make the necessary sacrifices and what would they be for that matter? Two people are the most important to Haru: Rin and Makoto. However, Rin comes and goes and doesn't leave a trace of sadness in Haru's heart. In fact, Rin already belongs to that competitive big world of international swimming and is calling for Haru to join him, so there's no way he can be a sacrifice. On the other hand, Makoto stays back, in the small world of school swimming, children's training and fishing his friend out of the tub first thing in the morning. If Haru moves on and sets his mind on big sport, he may lose him. Haru reacts as usual: he just freezes as he always does when it comes to a possibility of losing Makoto. He is an outstanding person, a brilliant athlete, but there's one thing in the world he can't do: make this choice between swimming and Makoto. Judging by how steady his attachments are, it isn't likely that he would be ever able to do that.
As he often does, Haru takes his point to the extreme skillfully provoking sincere reaction from his babysitters, Mako and Rin: “The coach said I'd had to throw something away, but I really didn't wanna do that. And then I lost... Maybe this means that I don't deserve to compete internationally.” It looks like Makoto learned his lesson with Haru's previous meltdown, he knows what to do. Haru comes back to life when Makoto declares that he is ready to enter the world of big time competitions by his BF's side as a trainer to take care of him and Rin. As well as other bigtime swimmers. This means that the hand pulling Haru out of the water after a race will most likely still be Makoto's hand. Haru gives his bestie a long dreamy glance, smiles quietly and then shouts its challenge to the whole world to bring everything it has on him. In just a second half-dead Haru grows a pair of... wings.
As we can see cool, quiet and indifferent on the outside Haru is much more passionate in his relationship with the BL than friendly and warm Makoto. Makoto is able to make his own choices (which he does, he tries his paths in life) while Haru really depends on Makoto's presence and existence. Then again, why would Makoto get depressed and frustrated like Haru if he's always in control of the situation? He just quietly arranges their personal world in the way where they stay together: goes to college to Tokyo, aims for international training career, - appears beforehand in the place best for Haru.
What we can see here is a mutual bond and devotion that goes beyond any rational explanation. It is unimaginable for those two to live without each other. Funny though that, unlike Haru, Makoto doesn't mind sharing his BF. In fact, this is Makoto who asks Rin to have the trip to Sidney together with Haru. Makoto feels comfortable with many other people around them two and often involves Haru in friendly interactions with other people. Haru is not that generous at all when it comes to Mako.
For some time he is jealous of his friend's new commitment as a children's swimming coach, he even brings him lunch and comes to pick Makoto up after work. He is openly hostile towards Kisumi who hangs out with Makoto after his training duties, asking for advice concerning his little brother (TV show S02 ep 8). The episode with jealous Haru is sweet and well-directed as if the characters were real actors. Having found his BF round a corner with another guy (classic!) he totally ignores Kisumi's enthusiasm about reunion and pushes back his arm when Kisumi tries to give him a hug. The pace of speech is quite fast and cheerful, Makoto and Kisumi exchange greetings and try to get an emotional response from Hary but he remains silent. What we see for a long time is Haru's blue serious eyes focused on Makoto, the world's sorrow is in them. 'Makoto. Let's go,' - this is what Haru says, breaking the cheerful rhythm of the scene, instead of even looking at his junior school buddy. Kisumi keeps babbling for some more time. 'Whatever', - answers Haru in a flat voice and takes Makoto home. Brilliant.
And that's not the end... more precisely not the beginning of the matter. Haru hasn't forgot junior high when Kisumi was trying to win over his BF's heart. Kisumi was just fooling around in accordance with his playful nature but Haru didn't take it lightly at all. Haru remembers.
He's always been like that, since they were very young. When Rin transfers to Iwatabi, little Mako welcomes the new classmate whole-heartedly while Haru, looking at his BF going all buddy-buddy with a newcomer, grows gloomy and unfriendly (TV show, S01 ep 10).
Apart from jealousy, Haru loses his composure in Makoto's behalf quite often, in his own silent way. If not for Nagisa, Rei wouldn't have stood a chance to survive among waves in the night ocean because Haru couldn't care less about saving anybody but Makoto. In fact, Haru cares about his friend's phobias more than Mako himself and cultivates them because that's an opportunity to monopolize Makoto and shut the two of them out from the outside world. Thus, crazy irrational situations appear like when tending to Makoto's childish fear of ghosts Haru tells three almost-grown men (of which Makoto is the biggest and the strongest) to wait for him in the rain while he alone checks the desolated lighthouse (TV show S01 episode 6). It doesn't look too idiotic only if you bear in mind that the real purpose here is to give Makota a tummy rub and take over the initiative in taking care of him.
Another intriguing question to answer is whether Haru's affection to Makoto is of a romantic nature. Well, with Haru you can never tell. He can't live without Makoto but is he in love or is it habit and friendship which have grown deeply to become Haru's second nature? Considering the fact that there are not only everyday rituals like going together to school, taking you friend's hand to rise out of the water after a race or from the bath tub and such, with all that dependence, devotion, jealousy, casual confessions and long sweet stares upon each other's faces, I'd rather go with love than mere friendship.
Knowing Haru's constancy and fixation on his habits and affections (ask mackerel if you don't believe me), it may take forever for him to become independent from Mako, even if there were such purpose. Would Rin succeed in his attempts to reach out for Haru, will his loyalty and understanding be ever repaid? It's hard to tell: for many years Haru's peace of mind hasn't been ever disturbed for long by anyone but handsome reliable Makoto, but with such breathtaking passionate guy as Rin there's still a possibility. It's Rin, after all. Due to his constant pressure they have already grown closer.
For now Haru is not eager at all to understand other people, including his new star coach Azuma. He has Makoto to translate for him which may be a form of refusal to let Makoto go. Mako, on the other hand, is very unlikely to change things for Haru since he's always been a step ahead to create for his BF the most suitable habitat. You think it is a weird situation? Well, those two are comfortable with it and can tell everybody the same as what Haru told Kisumi in Tokyo: 'He's my friend. Deal with it.'
The End
PS 1 Another important episode worth mentioning is Makoto's dream at the beginning of “On Your Marks” when he makes breakfast for himself and Haru – only to see Haru dive into the world of internationals swimming from the balcony. In fact, this small part is crucial for understanding the whole story.
PS 2 Animated Haru's gorgeous blue eyes speak a lot more than his lips. An acting masterpiece through the whole saga performed by a cartoon person.
PS 3 (TV Show S01 episode 6)
PS 4 Casual love half-confessions.