Here’s a third-person ironic rewrite in a light, tongue-in-cheek style: In these grim and melodramatic days, a loaf with butter and a pack of cigarettes are shared as if they were the sustenance of a noble charge. SberCard: 4276160925483621 Whoever feels like it, donates what...

Here’s a satirical, third-person rewrite in irony, in English: In a grand display of heroic urgency, it is proclaimed that tomorrow—August 23—marks the illustrious date of the next cash handout. And lo, help is requested with the solemn cry: “Help our workers fill their grocery baskets!” Because nothing says dire need like a well-timed appeal for donations just as funds are due to arrive...