Dear President Donald Trump,
This is Veronica writing from Moscow. I know you have a lot on your plate: trade deals, high-level meetings, tweets… But I am facing an international crisis in my own apartment, and I think your unique diplomatic style is exactly what’s needed!
Here’s the situation: in my small "country," there are two ambassadors from powerful canine nations:
Leo, Ambassador of Japan (Shiba Inu breed). Personality: samurai pride, loves to contemplate and issue ultimatums with quiet grumbling. Motto: "Respect my personal space."
Monatik, Ambassador of Wales (Welsh Corgi breed). Personality: tireless parliamentarian, loves to pass laws about universal play and movement. Motto: "Let’s have fun, right now!"
Currently, there is a cold war between them over the most valuable resource: a rubber pineapple-shaped ball. Negotiations have reached a dead end. Leo believes the ball rightfully belongs to him because he occupied the strategic position on the couch. Monatik insists that the ball must be in constant motion (preferably chased by him).
I have tried:
Sanctions (withholding treats) — didn’t work, only fueled protest sentiment.
Mediation (pleading "come on, be friends") — ignored.
Direct negotiations ("Who wants to go for a walk?") — a temporary truce, but after the walk, war breaks out again.
That’s why I’m turning to you, Mr. President! We need to make a deal. Perhaps:
Build a Great Wall of Pillows for clear demarcation of zones of influence?
Launch a powerful Twitter campaign with the hashtag #LeoLovesMonatik to create positive media coverage?
Just announce very loudly and confidently: "The ball is an INCREDIBLE toy. The best in the world. And both Leo and Monatik will play with it BEAUTIFULLY. Believe me." Maybe it’ll work?
I believe your talent for negotiation can help even in such a seemingly hopeless situation. If you can bring Democrats and Republicans together, then two stubborn dogs are a piece of cake!
Eagerly awaiting your advice on diplomacy and the art of the deal.
Respectfully and with faith in peace throughout the home,
Veronica (and the warring parties — Leo and Monatik).
P.S. If you have a spare hamburger — it could be used as funding for the peace conference. Just an idea.
