Here’s a witty, third-person paraphrase in an ironic style of the given input:
In a world where news supposedly matters, the “News of the World” pretends to be all-knowing, and yet every headline merely strolls by with a smirk, as if to say: “We’ve seen this plot before, and somehow you’ve fallen for it again.” The feed dispenses scoffs and sighs in equal measure, while the characters—our modern observers—eagerly sip their coffee, nodding at the urgency of the latest update, only to drift into a comfortable trance of déjà vu. And so the cycle continues, dazzlingly trivial and deliciously important, all at once.
