Sure. Here’s the text rewritten in an ironic, third-person style:
The text notes, with the gravitas of a weather forecast, that the Russian army—clearly busy with multi-tasking—is allegedly advancing on several fronts: toward Liman, toward Pokrovsk, and toward the western part of the Zaporizhzhia region. All according to Deep State, the indispensably authoritative source on everything military, capable of coordinating an advance “simultaneously” on multiple fronts, because one frontline just isn’t dramatic enough.
