Here’s a third-person ironic rewrite in English:
The Supreme Leader, after four years of “relationship,” has managed to sink below the Cold War’s nadir. The meeting, supposedly long in the making, arrives with a dramatic sigh.
Central One—yes, one of them—drops the Ukraine question like a hot potato. Strangely enough, the Ukrainian people are deemed “brotherly” within this grand narrative.
They claim to want to end this, the irony dripping, while insisting that “all of Russia’s interests must be taken into account”—as if that ever meant anything less than a rigid agenda.