Chapter 1
Lately it seems to me that there is an abyss between us, and we have never really known each other. For this reason, I decided to remember everything.
After the end of the next season, I had to return to the city and to my old, ordinary life. It was ordinary because it was significantly different from the one I lived during the season.
Work at this time of the year is accompanied by hard, almost endless working days and equally hard nights spent on the coast or in nightclubs and bars nearby. A hard night is replaced by an equally hard morning and hellish headaches. When I left the coast, I was in a relationship. We successfully moved into a new apartment and started looking for work.
Nothing that the market offered suited me. I was upset, but I received enough support from my loved ones to keep trying. I think it's worth adding a little bit about relationships.. It was super hard work for me. Probably, due to the fact that I was 21 years old and I didn't understand much about healthy relationships and living together and from the fact that past experience was also unsuccessful – I wasn't ready for this job. At some point, my nerves began to give up and I began to think about parting. Then everything turned out in a completely unexpected way for me.
Soon I found a new job. It divided my life into before and after. At the beginning of the second working day before the store opened, I stood at the checkout and talked with colleagues. At exactly 9:00, the front door opened wide and slammed against the wall, and she rushed past me late. I didn't immediately understand what had happened.
She passed by at such a speed that I didn't have time to see her, but inside, as she likes to say when discussing such cases, "something clicked."
An incomprehensible and previously unfamiliar interest appeared in me. A wild desire to get closer and examine this "cold, uncontrollable gust of wind" defeated me. For the next half hour I was in the back room, pretending to have a lively conversation with the cashier. In fact, out of the corner of my eye, I was trying to get a better look at her.
She wasn't in the mood. She was aggressively rushing around the back room and swearing, discussing working days. This aggression didn't scare me off. I was in a similar state due to fatigue.
A little later, our first conversation took place. Being next to this person, I was confused. Despite the fact that it was an ordinary, friendly communication, I felt something incomprehensible to me.
It was also frightening that I felt this while in a relationship, although I was going to end this relationship soon. I wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible and be alone with myself. Go into development, go back to the sport that I liked so much and brought indescribable pleasure, buy a mountain of books, and bury myself in them like a bookworm. I wanted to finally do something for myself, and not for someone else. After all, if you remember – few people were able to reciprocate me in this.
I was faced with a choice: to stay with myself or to enter into a new relationship and rely on this person. Believe all the promises and open up again, realizing that I am not immune from another failure.
I don't think it's worth explaining what choice I made. I would really like to convey the depth of those eyes that looked at me. Depth and brilliance could make you believe in anything. In the light emanating from them, there was sincerity and childish naivety. It couldn't help but bribe.