Some of us acutely aware of the anxiety and suffering that can be caused by separation from loved ones, the long and deep sadness that can come as a result of bereavement, and the dangers to mental health that these events can create.
Nowadays some psychologists says that many of the problems that people seek treatment for can be traced to a separation or loss that took place either recently or occurred at some earlier period in their lives.
Chronic anxiety, intermittent depression, suicide attempt - these are some of the most common types of disorders that we now know are associated with such experiences. In addition, prolonged or repeated disruption of the mother-child bond during the first five years of life is known to be especially common in patients subsequently diagnosed as psychopathic or sociopathic personalities. (подкрепление)
Although at present the causal relationship between psychological personality disorder and separation or loss that took place in childhood, adolescence or later is well confirmed both statistically and clinically, there remain a lot of problems in understanding the result of passing this difficult phase.
"It has been suggested that the course of mourning can be divided into three main phases, but now we realize that such a division omits the important first phase, which is usually very short. The stupor phase", - states psychotherapist Anastasia Bentz
The following four phases of mourning are recognized:
The stupor phase - which usually lasts from a few hours to a week and can be interrupted by bursts of extremely intense suffering or anger. Many people reported how this news at first absolutely failed to be deposited in their memory.
"Nevertheless, this calmness before the storm was sometimes shattered by an explosion of extreme emotion, usually intense fear, but often anger", - said Anastasia.
A phase of acute longing, search for a lost figure and the phase of disorganization - two a little similar phases lasting several months and often years. Over a time change occurs, and the bereaved person begins, albeit only occasionally, to note the reality of the loss: this leads to outbursts of intense grief and mourning.
"There is a huge anxiety, preoccupation with thoughts about the lost person, often in combination with a sense of his actual presence and with a pronounced tendency to interpret signals or sounds as indicating that the lost person has now returned," - states psychologist Anastasia.
The phase of greater or lesser degree of reorganization - the stage at which a person climbs out of the abyss of depression and is ready to let go of the situation. The person is able to forgive himself, others, the whole world. No longer blames circumstances and does not give in to panic.
What can help if this happens?
"There is no need to rush to "cure" a person or "open his eyes" to reality. It is necessary to give him the opportunity to find mental resources, mental strength in order to cope with the tragedy," - claims Anastasia Bentz.
A person needs the help of specialists if grief causes him serious health problems, or the behavior of a grieving person threatens his own life and the lives of others. Still, in order to be able to adapt to this unusual and initially painful situation "forever without a deceased loved one", a person needs to consistently solve 4 tasks for himself:
- To recognize the fact of the loss of a loved one.
- Relive the pain of this loss.
- Rebuild life taking into account the new conditions.
- To build a new attitude towards the deceased.
Unlike the phases of grief, when experiences are irrational and reflect only mental pain, tasks involve a conscious desire to overcome suffering and continue to live fully.