It was an ordinary Friday night; the pool kluging could be heard throughout the room while huge glasses of beer were rushing back and forth, and the sunset barely made its way through the multicolored stained glass windows and thick cigar smoke. Everyone had a company only a young student bartender was sadly wiping his glasses alone. From the side of the tap hung a small TV which often served as an important element of sports betting. But no one was playing today so it was only possible to be content with another criminal news. Sighing heavily, he turned it on mute. Suddenly a big man in a brown coat came into the bar with his hands in his pockets. The bartender recognized this pace, which resembled some depressed sumofighter. He was never talkative and came alone, in this bar, only the bartender was allowed to be sad alone, so he decided to change something.
“Sup man”
“Sup, as usual whisky on the rocks”
“Yup and make it double”
“A tough day huh?”
“Yeah We have been arranging our “magnificent” picnic trip with Katherine”
“Your gf?” (The young didn’t expect such talkativeness “must be tipsy already” he thought)
“Sorta we are even thinking about getting married, but now I doubt the possibility of this, hah.”
“I dunno this whole picnic thing sounds so nice and sweet especially for a loving couple, tell me what went wrong?
“So give me another shot bartender!”
“Here you go. I’m listening”
“Well, the whole thing started this evening at 7.pm I just got home from work, terribly tired of people buzzing around. Over the years, I have divided them into several groups. The first is, always stoned junkies who come at the crack of dawn to withdraw some cash. The second is people who do not take an appointment, then after standing in a line at the wrong window, they start spitting bile at everything they see. Group 3 is some constant questioners who want to show off their financial and law knowledge that they got after reading a couple of Wikipedia articles, and then they start arguing, and I'll tell you no less bile. And finally, these are old men, I sometimes have a feeling that they do not come to the bank to take out a loan or withdraw cash, they really need to talk to someone, and if they are politely pointed out to their excessive verbiage, they begin to grumble and accuse us of fraud and disrespect for elders. God bless these young lady consultants who go through this, every day. And you know that this is only part of the trouble, sometimes they start asking me questions, - Um, why do you always have long queues? - Do you know where I can repay the loan? – Excuse me where can I use a toilet? Sometimes I just want to answer something like “Dear lady or sir, whatever, I'm not standing here to show directions back and forth. Why don’t you try to, arrange a brawl or start a robbery, I'll show you right away where the exit is.”
“Ha-ha, have you ever thought about making stand-ups?
“Yeah, I really imagine sometimes that some band of old men breaking into the bank with masks and everything else, some in wheelchairs with weapons of the Second World War and begin to dictate their rules by occupying the toilet room. And I was like hey guys you better pick up your false teeth from the floor and get out with hands in the air, don't make the police waiting.”
“Ha-ha-ha keep going, u came back from work and?
“Ah yes, and you know, I heard what any man in the world tired after work didn't want to hear, it was female laughter from the living room, I went into the room and saw a group of four women who were sitting in my coach and drinking wine, one of them began to whisper something to the other as soon as she saw me. Katerina quickly came up to me and whispered that I never checked her messages, then flaunty kissed me on the cheek in front of this group of fake smiles, as it turned out it was my girlfriend's literature club and today was a meeting day at home, my home, I was immediately introduced, I quickly learned and no less quickly forgot all their names, apparently, in my head, clogged with police codes and bank passwords, there was not enough space for a bunch of regular people who were not interesting to me. Naturally, I understood that after that I could no longer go to bed and had to stay with the guests, after a series of stupid questions that I had enough of at work, I asked off to the kitchen to cook dinner, thereby I decided to kill two birds with one stone, free my ears from chatter and my head from suicidal thoughts and let the guests know that it was time for them to leave. I wasn't going to cook anything, and Katerina knew it. I used to take a snack after work. However, all I heard from the kitchen were cheers of what a gentleman I was, which later turned into another gossip talk. «Literature club» without a single book, I thought, it seems that these ladies need a warm place where they can chat and swell so as not to be 10-56 on the street and what my Katerina even found in them? I opened the refrigerator, grab a carton of milk and made some gulps. After that, I put the empty oven on the timer for 30 minutes and came back. I did not participate in the further conversation, but just pretended, mostly looking at my living room as if I were in it for the first time in my life, I did not know when it all started, but when I was looking at the stairs to the second floor thinking that it should be repaired a bit, I was abruptly pulled out by a ringing female voice, Katerina offered to have a picnic in the fresh air with the whole newly-made company, at the end of the week and not go somewhere to the park, forest or countryside, but to the east coast through Maryland a day's drive! U know a picnic with baskets, tents and stuff, that crap reminded me of pictures on our booklet of a perfect American family from white fence alley. I wanted to explain that I didn't really see the point of driving a convoy of 5 cars all day with people I don't know at all, I ain't some carefree teenager from college, plus on Monday I had a shift at 6 o'clock in the morning, but before I could open my mouth, everyone started discussing upcoming plans, some crap about tents, sleeping bags, backpacks, food and so on. They started giggling, and smiling so wide to each other that their faces are about tear on half. “I’m not going anywhere, I have plans.” I said. After a small pause Katherine said that she almost forgot, that we had plans that weekend and she was very sorry. Playing along with me, she made me look like a tyrant, which I felt judging by their looks. They began to dissuade Katerina with all sorts of nonsense on the principle that she would not regret and in life it is necessary to try everything, and blah-blah-blah. She apologized again and there was an awkward silence in the air for a couple of seconds. The ding rang from the kitchen, so my 30 minutes of fame had passed, I thought and said, here's dinner ready, we're going to start eating if you don't mind. By that time, the strained smiles had already been replaced by such serious faces that even an avid poker player would not express. Before leaving, one of the women said goodbye and said something like that they would have to go without us, what a pity. After closing the front door, the first thing I did was open the window in the kitchen in order to freshen the air from the smell of a smoky oven. And I began to “eat” my dinner by finishing the milk, passing by the living room, I glanced how Katerina was taking glasses and putting pillows from the sofa into place. We didn't say anything to each other, I just went to bed, especially since I had a day off tomorrow. However, I couldn't sleep. I've never had problems with insomnia, but right now I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about what happened, I started calculating in my mind all the pros and cons, I was thinking that I would have to apologize somehow now, but I didn't see it as my fault, then why can't I fall asleep, maybe because I don't have a very comfortable bed, or because the smell from the kitchen reached the bedroom? Or is it still because my 9 mm Glock 17c, which I forgot to hand over, put a lot of pressure on my pelvis? I took it out of the holster, it was a perfectly cleaned, strictly black pistol with an ergonomic handle that fit perfectly in my hand, I learned to shoot from it at the academy at 20 years old, and which saved my life so many times, only after I was injured I had to quit my job in the police and go head of security at the bank, how does she imagine I will go camping with my wound? I need to work to provide for her get-togethers with these bitches, and I'm also a tyrant, am I to blame!? She doesn't even know how hard I earn money, how I earn it, but it's time to show her, I went down the stairs and shot Katherine 3 times in her pretty face! And now siting I'm here drinking my favorite whiskey.”
“Cut the crap! I won't pour you anymore, what are you talking about?”
“Shut up and do what you have to do!”
He put the gun on the counter, it had dried bloodstains on it.
“And repeat this shot, I want to have at least something similar to my not so pretty face. I still have 5-7 minutes.”
The stand-up is over.
Today, at 2 p.m., the main court handed down a guilty verdict to Sid Wigman, born in 1983. Wigman was charged with the cruel murder of 34-year-old cohabitant Katerina Zillock with whom he was in a romantic relationship. According to investigators, Wigman committed a crime in connection with a mental disorder on the basis of a domestic conflict, according to testimony from the bank where Sid worked as the head of the security shift, it was revealed that he was always withdrawn, sociopathic especially to elderly visitors, often locked himself in the office and cleaned his duty weapon. The defense repeatedly referred to the police past and the nervous situation that could contribute to mental illness. However, forensic examination revealed no signs of OCD and schizophrenia. As a result, the Pennsylvania State Court issued a verdict of citizen Sid Wigman, found guilty and sentenced to death by firing squad.