People describe depression differently. They say it’s a black endless abyss, or a viscous swamp where life stops, or a deep, damp, and cold pit, or an endless dark labyrinth. It is an agonizing condition that tries to devour life and seeks to destroy it. It is an attempt to annihilate personality. It is hard to imagine anything more terrifying because even death itself is not that horrible. After all, it is a natural part of life. Depression tends to destroy the very essence of life. It seems that the non-being itself acquired properties to destroy the very idea of life and good.
Depression deprives a person of abilities to feel happiness, to see the beauty, and to feel the fullness and meaning of everything that exists. A person finds himself in a black cocoon, and this web strangles him, blinds his eyes, mutes sound, and hides the light. A person is isolated from the world. He ceases to perceive it.
At the tipping point, when darkness has covered everything around, it is very important to tell yourself that there is light out there. The light has not disappeared, and life has not ceased to be beautiful and meaningful. We are temporarily deprived of the opportunity to feel this meaningfulness and beauty. It's like being locked in a dungeon with no windows or doors. Still, there is a beautiful wide world full of colors and life outside the dungeon. It’s vital to remember this not to collapse and give up!
Everyone has his way of getting out of the dungeon but I want to tell you about those who are always there to help. I mean animals. The dungeon is a dark and sorrowful place but everything can change if a tiny mouse suddenly runs into it. It has come from nowhere and it’s sitting and looking at you with its big shiny eyes. What to expect from this tiny animal? I will tell you a secret - it's not just a mouse. It is proof that there is life outside the dungeon. The mouse is the very embodiment of life, its laws, its meaning, its beauty, and infinite power. And if you are surprised by the unexpected appearance of the mouse, then this is the first step to freedom.
A long time ago a mouse ran into my dungeon. I was looking at it and it was looking at me. "How can I see you in this darkness?" I thought, “Am I daydreaming?” This question pierced my head and I was riddled with anxiety. I lay down on the floor and suddenly realized that the corner where the mouse was sitting was not as dark as the others. I could see the light between the stones. “Haven’t I forgotten the light?” I thought. It was incredibly difficult for my sick mind to perceive what was happening. It took me a while to understand that the mouse had got into the dungeon through a little hole in the corner between the stones. I looked into this hole. The ray of light made its way into my dungeon through it. I was lying on the floor and looking into the hole. The mouse was sitting near the entrance and eating seeds. I was listening to this strange and unusual sound. I didn't even remember the last time I was listening to music, but I felt that this was one of the melodies of life. There was life outside the dungeon. I used to be a part of it but I forgot about it. And just like that, Life suddenly burst in. Life looked at me with its mousy eyes and said: “I am here, I am waiting for you. I came to you with a ray of light and music. Watch and listen." And from that day on, Life was visiting me every day, and I was watching and listening.
Soon I found out that there was a hollow inside the wall, and something amazing was happening there. Life was creating itself. I was lying on the floor and gazing into the new world through the hole. There was a nest there, neatly made of withered grass and hay. Life brought seeds and nuts to the nest. During the day, Life was curling up in this nest like a warm ball of fur and at night it disappeared to bring something new in the morning. I was watching Life breathing, and with every breath, its fluffy fur was going up and down. I was watching Life working day after day, leaving and returning, turning the nest into an amazing work of art. How skillfully Life was weaving one blade of grass after another, and each blade of grass had its place and purpose. The nest was gradually getting its perfectly round shape. It was as flawless as all other creations of nature. And the due was happening every day, and Life never stopped, and every day was different.
One day I noticed that Life brought emerald green blades of grass to the nest. Suddenly I remembered the scent of fresh-cut grass. I recalled that once I went out into the garden in early spring. I could feel its freshness and moisture. And then summer came with its bright colors and magnificent sweet odors. This serenity made me feel strong and ethereal at the same time. "Where is this wonderful garden?" - I thought trying to recall why I ended up in that dungeon and why I could not get out for such a long time. Suddenly I shuddered because I realized that the garden was right behind the wall of the dungeon. It was within arm's reach and Life was calling me there. I wanted to scream and hit the damned walls that were imprisoning me but I restrained myself not to disturb Life sleeping in the nest.
I was lying and thinking about the days in the garden. I was working there from early spring till late autumn until the first snow came. I was watching the awakening of spring; this urge to give life. One form of life was gradually replacing the other, and it was endless. And I was a part of it and helped life to embody in beautiful shapes. I loved to plant flowers, and my garden was the most beautiful place on earth.
Suddenly I heard a weak squeak. I peered into the depths of the nest and saw several tiny cubs fussing there. Life was covering them, and they were squeaking and cuddling to keep warm. I leaned closer to the wall to look at them. There were only three of them. They were funny, pink and naked. How amazing it was to watch them... For the first time, I realized that it was possible to feel something other than misery in that dungeon. The tiny creatures cuddling in the warm nest gave me a moment of peace.
Time passed, and the mice grew fur. They started to come out of the nest. They were carefully exploring the world around them. One day they came closer to me and I could smell something amazingly sweet. They smelled like infants. There is no better scent in the whole world. Then Life told me: "You have a daughter." I was horrified, “How could I end up in this hideous dungeon? How could I leave my daughter all alone?” Tears rolled down my cheeks and I sobbed, watching the mice. Life never leaves its children, how could I leave my daughter? At that moment, I decided that I must escape from the dungeon. I must break its walls and find my way back, I must return myself to my daughter. I knew that Life would show me the way out because it always followed the due and the good.
I didn’t have enough strength to fight, so I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw that the nest was empty. I was paralyzed with fear. Life left the nest and the babies disappeared. They were still too young to survive on their own. I panicked. I examined the nest as carefully as I could through the narrow gap - nothing. "Where are you, Life?!" I screamed, “Don't leave me! Help me find your children! My words echoed around, and I felt that the dungeon became larger. I was slowly crawling along the wall carefully examining the floor. Maybe the children got lost somewhere in the dungeon. I was listening hoping to hear the squeaking sounds. The dungeon became so big that I was afraid to get lost.
At that moment, I realized that I would never find the children in my current condition. I had to change, I had to become Life itself. I had to get rid of my pain, my fears, and my infirmity. It was the only way to bring back what Life had given me. “I must become Life itself,” I repeated to myself. And then I shrunk into a single point, because I had nothing more to lose, and then expanded into infinity because only infinity could match Life. Then I saw the whole dungeon from the outside, and at the same time, I saw myself inside it. Its walls were transparent and the light was passing through them. I felt that these walls would no longer imprison me because I had created them; thus, I could destroy them. Then I saw the mice. They were with me all the time. I started crying and picked them up.
I was standing in the middle of the garden. Everything around was as it should be. It was spring, and I knew that summer would come after it. I also knew that my daughter was behind me. I turned around and showed her the mice. “Mommy,” she cried out, “I'm so glad you can finally see them! They're so pretty, aren't they?" "Yes, they are,” I answered and started crying again.