Leisure Preferences (Writing, EGE based)

Today, I'm going to introduce one more sample answer to an EGE-based writing task. Now it comes as a description of the table given in the task in particular. The topic is about free time activities and possible reasons for why one activity is more preferable than the other.
I must admit that I've invested a lot of time and effort to organise my Answer. To tell the truth, it wasn't child's play even though I do have an old hand in committing ideas to paper. So what? I was in two minds. Which prompt to use? The popularity of choice for pastimes or a number of respondents picking one or another activity? After a due length of time has elapsed, the latter option tipped the balance.

So, there you go with it:
Task
Imagine that you are doing a project on how teenagers in Zetland prefer to spend their free time. You have found some data on the subject –– the results of the opinion polls (see the table below)
Comment on the data in the table and give your opinion on the subject of the project.

Write 200-250 words. Use the following plan: _make an opening statement on the subject of the project; _select and report 2-3 facts; _make 1-2 comparisons where relevant and give your comments; _outline a problem that can arise with ways of spending free time, and suggest a way of solving it; _conclude by giving and explaining your opinion on the best way of spending time

A SUGGESTED ANSWER

1.AN OPENING PARAGRAPH
In fact, the scenarios of leisure activities abound. Working on a project on how Zetland teenagers prefer to spend their free time, I have found relevant statistics, based on the opinion polls. I will comment on the data in the following essay.

2.MAIN FACTS
Generally, the information about five choices for leisure activities reveals two main facts. While "going for a walk with friends" is favoured by the largest number of participants, "visiting music festivals" –– by the fewest respondents (45%,5%, respectively).

3.COMPARISONS in DETAILS
Looking closely, I can see interesting details. Three times as many participants, just 45% (almost half of the polled), walk with friends, compared with 15% who go shopping in the mall and those 13% who prefer to eat out in a cafe. Also, going to music festivals seems to be of little interest to the respondents for its lowest 5% rate of choice. This analysis prompts me to construe a walk as the most affordable of the four other aforementioned pastimes, because it is free of charge unlike the others.

Image by https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/medium-shot-people-walking-together_19903744.htm#query=walking%20with%20friends&position=17&from_view=search&track=sph

image location

4.PROBLEM(S)
I can expect a classical problem with visiting cafes, concerts and shopping centres. These leisures imply the wherewithal availability. One can run out of pocket money if it is spent on impulse or uncontrollably. However, I suggest a possible solution to it, such as planning beforehand and putting money aside in order to make leisure preferences feasible.

https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/portrait-unhappy-stressed-beautiful-lady-looking-open-empty-wallet-with-upset-expression_9168091.htm#query=no%20money&from_query=run%20out%20of%20money&position=16&from_view=search&track=sph

image location

5. CONCLUSION + YOUR OPINION
In conclusion, I would most certainly treat a long hike in the forest as one of the best leisure activities. It helps to build up strong muscles, reduce respiratory problems and improve blood circulation and health per se.

The image by https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/lonely-young-woman-hiking-fresh-mountain-air-summer_27330791.htm#query=hikes&position=13&from_view=search&track=sph

image location

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Erene I