We are all weak, and sometimes we want people to pay their dues. We think it's only right, we want to have justice. We want them to take responsibility because they promised and didn't deliver, because we relied on them and they didn't make it, because we trusted their honorable intentions and they turned into nothing.
If the actions of those we count on contradict their words and promises time after time after time, it seems only natural that we reach that critical point where we want them to answer. In one way or another we expect them to pay for unfulfilled promises, deception, pain, suffering, and for all the physical, material, financial, social damages and real-life problems caused by their behavior.
Wanting revenge is that first painful reaction. It‘s an eye for an eye blinding type of thing, a feeling that grows inside like a monster and burns you from within. And very often a long time has to pass before this animalistic urge to destroy gives way to a wiser realization: quite often, there is no need to balance the books.
There is no need for anger and revenge. While pure rage might be useful in critical situations and in battle, petty anger and grievance aren’t constructive at all. All they do is slowly destroy their own carrier; grievance uses up monstrous amounts of our energy.
The thing is, they will pay their dues anyway. Not because we want it to happen, but because it's the law of the universe - EVERYBODY PAYS, every one of us. It’s not a religious thing, it’s not about being “good“ or “bad” or some twisted social morals... It’s a simple law of cause and effect, but on levels beyond our mundane, primitive knowledge of various life processes on the universal scale. Everyone gets what they’ve been aiming at, but this has nothing to do with our pathetic whining egos asking for Justice. It's just a manifestation of the unemotional, impersonal law which states that every action or inaction leads to certain outcomes, and so at some point all people get what they get in accordance with what they have done - or failed to do.
Are you mad because they couldn’t do it, didn't make it, weren't strong enough or honest enough? Don't worry about it, why even bother. Don’t worry about them anymore; trust me, they have their own burdens to carry. It's time to get up and keep going in that direction where your life isn’t about someone else‘s faults, failures, weaknesses, and lies. It’s about what YOU can do in order to be strong, genuine, reliable, and worthy on your own path.
I believe one of our life lessons comes down to one simple truth: there is no need for grave, serious expectations no matter what we've been promised by others. If people promise, they better deliver, but if they don’t...rethink your expectations. Sometimes we want others to be perfect like gods or efficient like robots, but people are neither. The reality is, most of us are still very weak and vulnerable, and every single person has a looong way to go to become a true Human.
At some points of our lives we can be promised so many things: eternal happiness, loads of money, true love, never-ending friendship, absolute closeness, or even something horrible like vengeance and tortures of living hell. Promises are wonderful, hopes are inspiring, dreams are pleasant, but only actions will speak of what’s real.
I say, dream on, but don’t be crashed if your expectations aren’t fulfilled. Give up the importance of those expectations. All people have weaknesses and make mistakes, it’s very naive to expect them to be gods. And there is more... There is a point where all expectations disappear, all faith disappears, all crutches of the whining, falling social persona disappear... And that's the only point where a true human being - YOU - can be born.
Every day we choose to give others something important - our attention, our heart, our life, our body, our time, help, sex energy, care, openness, honesty, spiritual power, or even rage, hatred, evilness - and we must understand that in the beginning this thing we give is a gift. Yes, expectations of reciprocation might be present, and it's great, amazingly great if they are fulfilled. But if they are not, is there someone to blame? Those who failed to give back usually aren't fully at fault (unless they manipulated and cleverly deceived you into giving).
Most of the time and when it’s NOT a matter of psychopathic manipulation (trust me, I've dealt with that one), people don't give back simply because they CAN'T.
That's right, they can't. They are physically and mentally incapable of reciprocation. Sometimes they are drained and have nothing to give back to anyone in general. Other times they won’t give back specifically to you. They may not have enough resources to give anything, and when I say “resources” it’s not just about material things. Resources can include emotions, attention, energy, power, openness, love, desire, mental capacity, cleverness, physical and psychological health. Or maybe they are just stupid, who knows? It could be anything.
Can you blame a homeless person if they can't invite you for a dinner in a nice restaurant or gift you a new car? Can a homeless person reciprocate if you give him a $2000 suit? Would you expect him to come up with a $2000 gift for your birthday? That would be ridiculous, we don’t have such expectations with someone who lives in a tent under the bridge. The homeless man is not bad or dishonest. He is not greedy. He simply doesn't have the same resources to give! (now, a poor homeless could reciprocate with something more valuable than money - friendship, loyalty, etc., but I used the money example to illustrate the point of physical and financial incapability).
Sometimes we also can't give back because we are too stupid to recognize when it is important. We are blind enough not to see the treasures that life gives us through other people and forget to value those people and their trust. Often, we can't keep our promises simply because we are lazy, stupid and weak. Are there any excuses for that? Only if we see people as incapable children in grown up bodies, the ones that get stuck in the state of irresponsibility and weakness and refuse to learn and grow.
One must have inner wisdom and strength in order to be honorable. In writing this post I am NOT making excuses for our faults and weaknesses; I am saying that we must make an effort to grow to have more purity, more honor, more strength. It is silly to expect a beggar to give riches back to those who gift him. In order to give, he must have something first. In order to reciprocate, give back, honor promises weaklings and beggars inside of us must transform into warriors.
Revenge or forgiveness? Grievance or letting go? Sometimes the choice is simple - to get up and walk that path where there is no help, no trust, no expectations - and stop blaming everyone else for what they cannot do. If they can't, so what? It’s THEIR choice and not your problem (unless it affects you deeply and in dangerous ways; then there are other strategies to be used).. If they can't once, or twice, or three times, will you be there waiting to see what happens the fourth time? If they can't - they can't, and that's that. Find someone more capable or do it yourself.
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On the practical side, freeing yourself from current expectations (and especially from the old grievances caused by unfulfilled expectations) will release an unbelievable amount of energy. Why so? When we feel bad because someone "does" something to us, we lose. There is no way around it and there is no point arguing who is at fault - no matter who it is, we still lose just by washing our precious emotional energy down the toilet.
. "He didn't do the right thing, she didn't keep a promise, they lied, you cheated, X behaved like a monster, Y manipulated, Z was an asshole", and this can go on forever, and you are “the right one”, and you are the victim, and you keep expecting, and so it's a never-ending cycle of constant grievance and loss and wanting that sweet payback, and oh, would you really be happy if that random person who caused you so much pain got hit by a lightning bolt and became annihilated in front of your eyes? I mean, what kind of payback? Why keep wanting it? Why keep draining your energy that way?
There are other ways. Better ways. Ways where we take control of our life, let go of all these expectations, leave alone those who "can't", and walk the other path - the way where we CAN do what's important to us, including helping others and giving, no matter what someone else chooses to do or not to do.