I used to think that you should only write blog posts about success, positive or at least funny stories.
But how can I come up with something fun and positive if I'm feeling guilty?
I always feel guilty when Dan has to go to work and I stay home. I think I should earn more money, do more housework, be smarter, better etc, and generally that he deserves ... an American wife.
The American wife would consist of only pros:
-American education and full-time work
-many years of driving experience
-experience in cooking American dishes
-self-confidence
What has he got instead?
-I have an education that is not valued in the US.
-I work part-time and always feel guilty about spending money.
-It is very difficult to talk to me, I'm confusing the word order in a sentence, and forget words.
-Driving scares me to death. I don’t know the local area.
-My American style of cooking is always a mystery.
-I love my hobbies more than cleaning our house.
-And knowing all the facts, I am not sure of myself.
Do you think this is enough to cause you to get discouraged?
For me - quite.
What do you do when you are dissatisfied with yourself, life, or not in the mood?
As for me, I have two scenarios: cry out of self-pity, or cry out of pity for Dan.
Fortunately, there is often no time to cry. Daniel sees a change of mood and talks to me. And delayed conversations with girlfriends help. (I'm not used to complaining to my relatives.)
As a result of group therapy, I remember that we live in an imperfect world. There are no ideal people, no ideal situations, and therefore I should not be perfect and suffer from guilt.
I can be myself with Dan, I know that. I just need to remember and appreciate all my small victories.
So I know I'm not perfect. But I always have a job. I don't have a language barrier, I can keep up a conversation even if I forget the words. I drive when I need to, which is almost every day. I'm learning to cook American food, we're not starving yet. I'm still not sure of myself, but I'm brave enough to write my blog knowing that Daniel is reading it.
It is very interesting to learn your small and big victories.