A little, much, passionately, insanely? Who does not remember the emotions of the first love born at 14, 16 or 18 years old? How could the closeness of the chosen ones make us tip over and dream for hours ... even before we talk to him? We were in love with Love.
The first release, the first kiss, the first promise, the first affection, the first plan that the two dreamed made. He was so beautiful; she was so beautiful; nothing existed without him; the future was not possible without him. Our love was pure and eternal. We changed the world, gave birth to the most beautiful children and lived happily. Nothing can stop us.
If ... Except ... the first sentence of love. What tears and sobs! How could he do this to me? I never thought she could be like that. What a great emptiness creates the first pain of love! What kind of pain in the stomach can cause the loss of a loved one. What a depression! And just before you dive completely, here ... a new love. We will always remember our first adolescent love with nostalgia. And how the study of love can be strewn with pitfalls, as well as indescribable joys.
Until the moment when a rare pearl arrives and we take a big leap: we promise to love each other forever, for better and for worse. We all know fellow couples who have loved each other since adolescence, who studied together, who have wonderful children and who seem to be forced to spend the rest of their lives together. But we know more couples who, oh! surprise, divorced. And three out of five couples stay together for the better, but especially for the worse, they no longer talk to each other and do not go to nursing homes.
What makes couples walk and experience years? Is there a magic formula or miracle available to everyone? What causes some people to never experience problems with their love, while others seem to be always ready for depression and want to commit suicide after a break in love?
People seem happy with or without stable partners; others cling to the first comer or the first who cannot say no. Much has been written about the difficulties of love. Hundreds of books show the extent to which love is often used as a drug, and, of course, when the drug is not enough, symptoms of a lack, both physical and psychological, arise.
But what is love? They say that love is an emotion, and emotion is a movement, excitement, emotional reaction, usually intense. Love would be a movement for someone. How can two people in motion, one towards the other and in their lives, make this mutual movement last through the vicissitudes of life together?
In my opinion, there are three basic conditions for the longevity of love: admiration, dream and desire. And these three components must be directed to the same person. And mutually. And stable. But not necessarily in order: desire can be born of admiration or vice versa. I can love someone only if I admire him, and I feel admiration for this man.
Admiration is a feeling of joy and satisfaction in the face of what is considered beautiful or large (little Robert). Love is only in relation. From the moment you shout stupidity, you seriously lay love. We cannot always agree on the education of children, on how to spend money (these are two main sources of disagreement) ... but we must always agree that the other is a unique human person worthy of respect and admiration.
Let's not forget that two lovers are also two close enemies ... who must be respected. A decrease in admiration parallels the decline of love. Hence the importance of standing in front of your partner. Two people who love each other share the same projects, the same dreams; these are two accomplices who are building their future together: buying the first house or the first car, the arrival of the first and subsequent children, the professional success of one or the other, social inclusion, vacation, retirement ...
Again, individual dreams do not have to be the same and they don’t have to be subordinate to the couple’s dream, but from the moment when personal dreams take over, or from when I find myself dreaming with each other, the end of the common dream is near. All couples are based on two independent people with their projects. To love oneself is to dream together about possible things. Obviously, love is based on mutual physical attraction.
To love someone means to want to stick, touch, caress, interpenetrate, merge. But this is also to maintain his desire and the desire of another, while maintaining a certain distance. You are not me, and I am not you. One plus one is not one, but three, you, me and we.
Love at first sight cannot survive passion, because total merging kills desire. I want only what I do not have, and not what I have. You also exist outside of me, and I exist outside of you. Distance is necessary for desire and allows convergence to turn into pleasure. Nevertheless, this is a sign that something is happening in one or another or in the dynamics of the couple, which the couple should take care of as soon as possible if they want to survive.