15.XI.10. Perm.
If you consider me a friend (in letters it is visible only from the reference), we will correspond. If not, it is better to quit. Yes, I would like to be your friend, though, no doubt, I am funny in your eyes, unless you are not what I imagine you to be. I am gullible and fickle in my judgments, which, by the way, can be seen from the previous lines.
Write to me about the university, about your impressions, about the difficulty of the subject, because I also want to go to math. They say about me: ice and fire. But this comparison will not go here: what does character have to do with it, there would be only abilities and desire!
Your letter was miserable: the boss printed it out and forbade you to write. They wanted to put eleven on my behavior, but they did put twelve, regretting my success. Now you are writing to my friend's address, and it is even better, because you can not be afraid to be read: Nikolskaya Street, 14, Maria Andreyevna Milyutina, for me.
Kostya, is it true that some correspondent reported Tolstoy's death when he was still alive, i.e. a few minutes before his death? This shamelessness and publicity amazed me so much that outrage even stopped me from crying.
If you can, send me a card in the form of a student, I have a stupid boarding school love of uniform. As I said I would forget your face, so it happened. I just remember that you are in a light blue pincea.
Write, Kostya, about your comrades-in-arms, their ideas and worries.
While lecturing me, the boss advised me not to correspond with the students at all. I lied, laughed and lied again. You can't even imagine how often you have to lie in a boarding house, especially to your superiors, at every turn. Sometimes I even want to tell the truth, I tried it, but I stopped noticing that it was something I thought was a lie.
17.XII.10.
I'm sorry, Kostya, that I didn't write for a long time. My friend stayed with me, and after her departure I couldn't get together. I really want to see you and talk to you, and I even walked down the streets and watched - if the gentleman met in a light blue pince-nez, although I know that you in Kazan. Maybe I shouldn't write to you about it, but I have long wanted to have a friend with whom I would be quite frank. Because I'm honest with everyone, and it hurts me a lot. When I entered the boarding house, I immediately fell in love with a teacher and loved him until this year because he was a good family man and was in our interests. But then, apparently, he just began to think that I was chasing him, because it was common in boarding schools, and love began to cool down. Then I was friends with a cool lady, which caused me a lot of trouble because she didn't understand me at all. You must be tired of reading such an illegible letter. I'm very distracted and I don't like to reread.
Write me your middle name. Lisa.
10. I.11. Perm.
Kostya, what are your two different letters. The first is rapturous, and the second is so dull, as if you have lost something dear. According to the first letter I decided that you are in love, whether you are in love or not, I am very interested. You know, I've never even been carried away, and for some reason it's considered strange. I myself explain it simply. I already have a well-known ideal, and it is not among the young people around me. And if I fall in love with someone who does not meet my ideal, it will be an induction - that's all.
I was at the ball at the men's gymnasium on the holidays, just like last year. It is so strange that a year has passed and that evening I remember it as if I had read about it in a book. I had a bad relationship with the Regent, who had great power with us, and I learned that I wouldn't be allowed to go to the ball for leaving the singers. But I was allowed to go, and the first half of the evening, while the concert was going on, I wasn't in the mood like always when my ego was hurt. You invited me, and I was wondering why you invited me. When we were dancing Hungarian, I was afraid that you would lose your pince-nezz. By the way, I still don't know what your eyes are, I think gray or blue. I had almost all the dances given to the boys, and they were offended, especially one who thought I was in love with him.
I was terribly tired of being in boarding school. Soon, I want to pass exams well, I have to study, especially as I think about the courses for which I am not prepared at all. But there is no time at all! I was hoping to read at passionate and Easter every day service, and twice more, I am very tired.
I must also tell you, Kostya, that you do not understand my letters at all. You think I'm a naive boarder who imposes herself with her friendship when she sees a boy (you want to see a boy) only once. I'm pretty sure of that, because otherwise you wouldn't have answered my questions in such a general way.
Е. Turaeva.