29.I.10. Perm.
Kostya! First of all, I ask you not to call me by name and patronymic. The boss can print it out, and it will seem strange and even indecent to her. However, it is already indecent that I correspond with the boy (you want - young men). Do you write that I asked you to be sincere? You misunderstood me, Kostya. That's what I didn't want. I do not put the duty of full sincerity in the duty of friendship, and I always and in all things I do not want to be frank, because everyone has its own "holy of holies". I already show myself too much, though I should have been honest with everyone to a certain extent. I wonder why you consider me a friend. I'm not in the mood to talk about myself right now, or you'd probably regret your rush, too flattering for me.
Now I want to tell you that I lied when I said I was already at a ball at a men's gymnasium once. Until last year, we weren't allowed to go there. After the ball, the gossip about me was dismissed, and I had to listen to pleasant compliments from my boss. I was outraged, not by the boss, of course, but by the boys I had known for a long time. True, then they apologized, but although I am kind, as they say, but I do not forgive people. So I didn't forgive one gymnast: I threw an insult in his face, which he later explained by my views, too perfect, in his opinion.
I'm reading Verbitskaya's Keys to Happiness and Darwin's Beagle Journey. To think that the young man would go on a five year journey around the world. What happiness! I'm sorry about the handwriting and the terrible mistakes in the syllable. Lisa.
Perm. 1910
The military orchestra was rattling in the choirs, a young man from the Ladies' Guardianship about the poor was running around the hall conducting dances in bad French, mothers in armchairs were sitting along the walls, and next to them were waiting for the invitation, flamboyant dressed daughters.
Boarding girls were with a cool lady Anna Petrovna, fat, young and kind, upset that the gentlemen bypass her girls, and Lisa suddenly went through the circle of dancers dancing on the dressed, dotted confetti floor. A strange gymnast in a long dress uniform, which no one had worn for a long time, flew up to her, invited her to the Padecatra; they made a tour and stopped by the room where the men were talking and smoking, and the women were clapping, arranging a lottery. Another friend of the gymnasium student asked the Hungarian woman, but Lisa said that the Hungarian woman could not, she promised. You can have a shot. Then, dancing with Karnovsky cadre, she remembered it with horror. But the horror was some kind of fun, happy, spinning with her in the hot, thundering and happy air of the ball. It was all fun - to dance, tearing off the long colorful ribbons of serpentine, slip and almost fall, when Karnovsky, standing on one knee, took her around him in a mazurka, to stand with him in the vestibule of the entrance, where it was cool and quiet, but heard from the audience dashing, desperate shouting conductor.
All evening Karnovsky did not depart from her, brought her lemonade and cakes from the buffet, gave her a pink, silk-covered letterbox, which he won the lottery.
- And that means that fate really tells us to write, Lisa.
He offered to escort her, and she agreed, although she knew that the boarding house should return with Anna Petrovna and that if she comes alone, she will certainly be saved for behavior.
The snow sparkled and sparkled from the moon - and it was so cold that Lisa's lips even froze. Of course, she remembered what they were talking about, it was a serious and interesting conversation, but a thousand times more serious and important was that Karnovsky so respectfully offered her a hand and now led her as a queen, holding halfway to her, on purpose, to show that it only exists for her in the world.
Through her sleeve, she felt his firm male hand...
12.VIII.10.
Write to me, Kostya, on the envelope "Perm", and not "here" or "local", as at home there should be an explanation about our correspondence, and I want to remove it. This correspondence is a misdemeanor in front of my dad, who can't stand it when I'm with boys, because he doesn't believe in their good intentions, and at the same time he doesn't trust me. But this does not mean that it (correspondence) should stop. The latter can only happen if I cannot win my own independent position. I don't want to write in secret.
Kostya, you do not understand me: we have seven classes, and the last one, that is, the first one, equals the seventh grade of the gymnasium. I'm going to go abroad after the boarding school, I have a small amount of money deposited in my name by my grandfather. But where to? And then, this money can be taken only after I turn twenty-one. In general, I decided to stay in Russia. I'm terribly anxious to finish my boarding school as soon as possible.
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