A long way to happiness - for some people this article will seem boring, and some will find it instructive and useful. I thought it was extremely important. Unfortunately, the road to happiness is not easy. You probably thought that this is another series of useful tips from the cycle "Buy a new dress", "Go to a cosmetologist", "Spread your shoulders and be happy"?
A long way to happiness. Not my problem
She's pretty young. She has mature, wealthy children. A good and undoubtedly beloved husband. An interesting job, where she is not the last person, a respected specialist. No special health problems. Not that she was a very wealthy woman, but certainly does not need anything. There is success, contentment, satisfaction.
And happiness is not. There is no emotional outburst, no sense of flight, no joy of the moment, no sharpness of feelings. Recently she confessed to me: sometimes it seems to her that life is over. And these words hurt me, I want to help her, because she is my mother. This is the problem I came to see a specialist with.
- After all, she has everything! - In despair, I told the specialist. I just don't understand what she needs.
- Yes, yes, you have listed: health, work, husband ...
- The kids. Adults, smart, caring - I added. And that's when the other person's line put me at a standstill.
Why do you think that's what she needed to feel happy about," she gently asked. Maybe something else was missing, the most important thing in her life?
A long way to happiness. There is something to think about...
We all want to live our lives well and right, my "guru" has been talking slowly. It is the "right" life in our understanding that is the key to happiness. But what does "right" mean?
I thought about it and answered it.
"My mother believed that the main thing in life - family, home, she was completely dissolved in us, found joy in her husband, children, grandchildren. She lived a happy life, so I try to follow her example..." "My parents really wanted me to get my medical degree. I can't say I dreamed of being a doctor, but I graduated from medical school. My parents know what is best for me..."
"My husband thinks that a woman should devote herself to raising children, giving up her career. I did what he wanted, because I love him and want to be with him... "Daddy likes women with long hair, so I can't afford a fancy haircut..."
This list can go on forever. After all, I'm sure each of us will be able to add something of our own to it...
That's how it turns out that in most cases, a woman (a man, too) builds his life on a model given since childhood. Why? Yes, because we all strive to win the love of loved ones (most often parents). And few of us think that he should be loved just like that, the way he is.
No, "right" adults from childhood instill in us the "right" thoughts that love must be earned, conquered, "earned" by good behavior. The good is what is expected of us. And it does not matter that we ourselves want a completely different life. The main thing is to win and keep love.
Over the years, these patterns become part of our consciousness, and we no longer share our true desires and those that dictate to us from outside. And if we do, we prefer to brush off "our own" - say, I'll live without it, as long as my mother (dad, husband, children, sister, brother, aunt, grandmother, neighbor) was satisfied with my behavior. Unforgivable attitude to myself, from which then grow deaf dissatisfaction, apathy and inability to be happy.
My long journey to happiness
"My husband and I had a goal - to achieve the desired material well-being, so we pursued this goal persistently, persistently, denying ourselves rest and pleasure. We forgot what a weekend was. I thought it would happen later, when our situation is stable and stable. Now we have everything - a new apartment with good repair, two cars. There is an opportunity to see the world (we have always dreamed about it). But there is no desire for the same thing anymore - it has evaporated somewhere. How could it happen?
A long way to happiness
"The situation is not so rare," I heard back. A man sets himself a goal, seeks it out. On the way to the goal, everything, as it seems to us, is "superfluous", "secondary". First, the first place is given to work, then to everything else. And now the goal is achieved, we are on top, and instead of the expected happiness, intoxicating feeling of victory - the emptiness. There is neither strength nor desire to use the fruits of the achieved results. What is going on, then?
Have you ever played sports? If yes, then you are well aware of the joy of physical activity, pleasant relaxation, pleasure and satisfaction. But - only if the load is regular. Remember what you experienced when you tried to resume, for example, gym classes after a long break? Pain, gravity, reluctance.
Ability to relax and rest is also a skill that requires regular training. So if there was a long break, during which you "couldn't afford it", get involved gradually, slowly. Every new movement on this way will be easier and easier. This is the law of nature, the law of human nature - the usual actions are given more easily.
