part 9
Brill learned early to never talk about things she knew about. But even the silence did not keep her from the village children who were chasing her from school, walking in groups of three and throwing hurtful words and sometimes small stones at her. Brill couldn't even defend herself - one against all. And after one day she came home with a cut above her right eye, her father told her family to finally and irrevocably pack their bags and move them to the city where she worked.
Since then, a lot of water had gone away, and Brill's scar over her eye had become very small and barely visible, but even now the crowd was making her nervous. Actually, she was more than nervous. As the number of curious eyes increased, Brill became painfully ashamed and clumsy. It was a primitive, primitive reaction, and apparently neither logic nor self-control could cope with it. At times, as the crowd's pressure increased to unbearable limits, Brill seemed to lack breath, as if the body walls were sucking the air right out of her lungs.
By instinctively tilting her head, Brill tried to avoid public attention by climbing up the stairs; she ignored the usual trembling of a panicked heart and the incessant mumbling of an inner voice full of doubts. "What am I doing here? I shouldn't have said anything. It was a mistake. They were just dreams, nothing more. They were just dreams..."
Completely ignoring both his sister's rebuke and her severe expression on her face, Conner continued to speak as if he hadn't heard an answer:
- But I was hoping you'd wear something colored tonight. I can't tell you how much I hate black and grey. Would it be too much nerve to add a little pink or maybe a nice blue? Blue has always been so good for you, Bree. Like a winter's day... - He stopped for a moment, looking back at the rather dull cut and color of her outfit. - It's been four years, Bree. Don't you think it's time to move on?
Avoiding meeting her brother with her eyes, Brill touched her jewelry, a medallion with St. Judas. Conner was right, four years had passed since John's death, and the year of mourning had long elapsed. She no longer had to wear black as a sign of sorrow; now it was acceptable for her to dress in colored things and even remarry. In fact, it was more than acceptable. The implication was that she, a young, twenty-five-year-old woman with a small child, needed to find a new man who could provide for them. She simply shouldn't be on her own.
But Brill was unbearable the very thought of it. John was the only person besides her family who did not make her feel like a white crow or madness. He was a calm and kind, quiet harbor, even when she was tormented by dreams, and she woke up the whole house with her screams. He loved her, no matter what. And Brill preferred to cling to her loss - even if it hurt - than to let her memories of John fade. She didn't want to forget him or the feelings he had awakened in her. Perhaps it would never be a good time for her to move on and leave John behind. Her grief had no time limit - and never would be.
Woe whispered in her head like an old acquaintance, her eyes darkened by tears that had not been shed. Brill couldn't answer that, but she shook her head slightly. Sadness, as it often happened, covered the panic and everything else.
- How can I? Oh, Conner, I can't," she mumbled.
Afraid of the suffering that would affect her face, Conner was crooked. They walked in silence for a few seconds as he searched for a suitable theme to distract his sister from the everlasting melancholy.
- Er... Did I tell you I had to blackmail the Cardinal to get tickets for today's performance?
In a moment, Brill looked at her brother in silence with a blank look. Then a light came back on in her eyes, and mistrust overcame grief.
- What, in the name of the Lord, do you mean?
Rejoicing that he had distracted her for a moment, Conner smiled widely:
- It turned out that he often communicates with crumbs in Madame Florence's brothel.
Breathlessly exhaled, Brill was already drowning in the open:
- I don't see anything wrong with that...
Laughing, Conner hugged her narrow shoulders with his hand and whispered in her ear as he leaned closer:
- And it wouldn't be so bad if all the participants stayed in their clothes.
Outraged by the air, Brill turned around and hit Conner on the arm, her cheeks instantly burst into flames.
- You... are just... impossible! - she exclaimed, accompanying each word with a well-defined blow to her stomach. - Shame on you! All the holy martyrs are sure to shed tears for a day or two, thinking of your immortal soul.
Having dodged another blow, Conner continued to laugh:
- I knew you'd like the story.
- And don't hope so you stupid pagan. I don't believe a word you say.
- Come on, Bree, you know I only lie on Sundays.
Pretending she hadn't heard it, Brill pulled up her chin and let Conner down the stairs at the Opera House, leaving Conner behind. He took a step to catch up with her, and soon became equal, though Brill continued to ignore him. After leaning against his brother, Brill was ashamed to put her lips on fire.
- What I don't understand is why you insisted on accompanying me," she suddenly dropped out. - I would have done just fine on my own. It would have been better if you'd stayed home with Aria. - There was a hard pause, and Brill slowed down her arrogant behavior, losing all her anger. She sighed and excitedly looked up at her brother. - It was my business, Conner.
- Oh, really?" he asked, mockingly curving his eyebrow, his green eyes laughed. - You forgot how well I know you. Do you really think you'd like to be alone in front of this crowd? - Brill opened her mouth to object, but he interrupted her: - And besides, what kind of older brother would I be if I wasn't looking out for you?
- Only one thing really deserves attention," mumbled Brill. - I told you I didn't know what was going to happen tonight. It could be anything. You and Aria are the only family I have left, Conner. If anything happens to you because of my stupid hallucinations, I don't know what I...
With these words, the funny smile on Conner's face was replaced by a fierce rock.
- Don't talk about yourself like that, Bree. You're the most discerning person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I trust your instincts. If you feel something is going to happen here, it will happen. You always knew a lot of things in advance. And that can't be explained by the usual hallucinations, can it? That's why I want to be there for you, to help you in any way I can. Don't forget that you are the only family I have! - He reminded me when they walked through the front door of the theatre into the brightly lit hall.
to be continued...