Many of our notions of marriage, at best, were created by society decades ago. And most often much earlier in human history. Meanwhile, society is changing very quickly, the old rules stop working, and not everyone can develop new rules independently. To rely on old values and ideas means to risk too much in such an important business as building family relations. That is why modern articles summarizing the experience of recent years in the field of creating a strong and happy marriage are so important.
- People without children's psychological trauma does not happen, so any real rapprochement of people is possible only with the understanding that your love relationship has an unconscious goal - to heal the wounds of childhood. It is important to know, at least approximately, the mechanisms of the emergence and development of psychological trauma. If you manage to understand the peculiarities of the development of a partner in childhood, you can explain a lot of things that, at first glance, illogical and nonsensical that you notice in your chosen one. Partner behavior will cease to be a source of misunderstanding.
- Moving on to a psychologically conscious marriage, you gradually get rid of illusions and increasingly see your partner in the true light. He is no longer a dream for you to replace the ideal parent, which you did not have in childhood. He, like you, is a man suffering from invisible wounds, who is eager for healing.
- It is reasonable if you consider it your duty to openly express all your requests and desires to your partner. As part of an unwise marriage, you are committed to the child's belief that your partner should intuitively guess the desires. In a psychologically conscious marriage, you consider it an axiom that for a better understanding you need to openly talk to each other about their needs and desires. By the way, for some people, the main problem is the awareness of their desires and needs. You are beginning to realize the hidden sides of your self. And the more you can share with your partner, the stronger the relationship will be.
- In a psychologically sensible marriage, you can experience all senses, but you can also find ways for your partner to convey his or her feelings to him or her. There is a distance between the feeling and their expression. This is a huge and very important in terms of psychological well-being topic - the ability to allow yourself to experience any feelings and free yourself from the suppressed feelings.
- You get rid of the illusion that the task of a partner in your life together is to fulfill your desires without question. You are overcoming narcissism and directing more and more energy to help your partner. If you are more sensitive to your partner, you will soon realize that he or she can become a truly inexhaustible source of your spiritual strength - you only need to abandon aggressive tactics and be more tolerant.
- One of the reasons you were attracted to your partner was because of the strength and ability that you lacked. Next to your partner, you got the illusion of feeling your integrity. In a successful marriage, you are no longer dependent on the partner and find a sense of his integrity, there is a chance to go beyond this dependence and move forward. In a dysfunctional marriage, there is too much risk that getting rid of addiction will lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
- You develop the ability to love and be yourself. Social conditions and wrong upbringing have led to the fact that these qualities are not fully realized in you. In a psychologically sensible marriage, you are realized in a new way.
- You are aware of the difficulty of creating a full marriage. In the naive concept of marriage, people believe that for a happy marriage is enough just to choose a reliable, loving, worthy partner. In a psychologically reasonable marriage, you understand that the most important thing is to be a worthy partner. Here you can see that psychology is already so tightly entered into our lives that knowledge of its fundamentals becomes a necessary skill of modern man, without which he will lose a lot in life, will be less successful. Psychological literacy becomes an advantage, as computer literacy once was an advantage until it became widespread.