If you're in a one-sided relationship, this article isn't gonna make you happy. Reading it is unpleasant. So if you don't want to take off your pink glasses and sober up, you better read something else. For example, tearing the soul of women's novels about tragic love.
Love is a mutual feeling. Relationships where passion, dependence, hours of waiting for a call, rare meetings, distant relationships, life between "near" and "disappeared" - all this has nothing to do with love. Because there is no one there who loves, no one who is loved: one has disappeared, the other has been invented. There are no two people there. There is no consideration of the needs and desires of the one who loves, and there is no personality of the one who is loved. There are strong feelings, a million thoughts and plans, thinking over words, looking for excuses and so on. In irresponsibility, we "love" not a person, but "love" itself. This is the love of the victim to his torment, to a pile of emotions that fill the soul life.
Despite all the suffering, it is easier to "love" irresponsibly than to be in a mature relationship. There is no need to adjust, see and get along with the shortcomings, to be near a real person. With a dream to be much easier than with the present and alive. Think: when the love of the "interrupted", we do not see the person as he is. We are blinded by the desire to be together or deserve attention. But we do not know what he is like every day, what is important for him, what values he has, how he behaves in different situations.
The victim of "irresponsibility" fills his life with emotions. Inside, she is empty, alienated from her own "I" and does not understand where her personality ends and where someone else begins. And the victim has no idea how to make herself happy, what she really needs. In order not to face an unbearably frightening inner emptiness, she fills herself with feelings and fantasies that if she finally receives a reciprocal answer, then the long-awaited happiness will come.
And the trick is that it is worth to move such a couple from the scenario of unrequited love for each other, as the passion immediately subsides. Half a year will be good for them together, but then they will yearn for strong emotions again (they loved "love", not a partner). And the couple either falls apart, or the victim is looking for a new way to suffer...
Often people think and say that people entering into "complicated" relations simply do not think about the future - or do not know how, or do not want to think ahead. Partly so it is: the lover is concerned only about how to be around more often and more. But the problem is not in the long-term plans, but in the fact that they do not think about their future. About myself, that is.
Such people do not have a sense of self-esteem and no habit of taking care of themselves. But there is fear. Fear that whispers in the ear: "Don't you dare to demand respect for yourself, otherwise they will fall out of love! Nobody needs you on your own, but if you serve, adjust, tolerate, make yourself comfortable - one day it will be appreciated. He will see how good you are, and he will love you for it. And this fear convinces us to do anything, to believe any excuses, but only not to take care of ourselves.
It may seem that there are two opposite extremes, in which we often fail: to love everyone but ourselves, or to love only yourself. That is, there are those who only give, and those who only take. But in practice both are about dislike for oneself.
The first are lifeguards, good girls and boys, victims, unrequitedly loving, inclined to enter into "difficult" relationships. Those who care about everyone but themselves. They once learned that love and warmth must be extracted from the particles, that intimacy and pain are inextricably linked. They suffer by buying love: "What else can I do to get warmth and attention? This is how we deprive ourselves of the love of others. Normal, healthy, honest love of two people, familiar with the phrase "mutual respect". Not the love of a dog for his master.
The second is survivalists. Those who believe that other people should be used, taken away from them all sorts of benefits. Because they won't let you do it themselves. Do you feel it? Well, sniff out a good sniff. Do you have one? The same way it smells like disbelief in the fact that they can be loved. So they take away cash, time and strength. Because deep down, people who survive, trample on heads and destinies, are convinced of their inferiority and badness, that they are not worthy of "just for nothing". Does it look like a love for yourself? I don't think so.
It is unpleasant to admit it. Especially when you are trying to prove to everyone that you love yourself: how much you spit on others, there is enough for the whole pool! And I really want to believe that everything is okay with you, but people are all some bastards - so you do with them accordingly. And everything would be fine, but it's also a way to deprive yourself of "game-free intimacy" and human warmth. If you really love yourself, you won't build your life in such a way that everyone around you is an enemy, you won't deprive your loved one of support and a chance for a healthy relationship.
Specialists in relationship psychology are convinced that love can only be mutual. She lives where there are two individuals. If a person is one and the other person "dissolves" in it (or is "used" in it - emphasize the necessary variant), then it has nothing to do with love. This is the dependence of the victim on a tyrant, a slave on his master. And vice versa.