Why do some people live together for decades and even retire looking at each other as lovers of calves, while others unleash hostilities in a year's time? Relationships break down in a variety of ways, but those who have successfully gone through all the crises have a lot in common.
The true reasons
Why are you with this man? Wrong answers: "Because all my friends are already married," "Because I'm so damn lonely, normal men are transferred, and this guy's in love with me," "Because everyone wanted this guy, but I got him, bite me!", "He can provide for me," "Someone has to save me from sadness," and "Well, we've been dating since 10th grade, so don't throw him out. All these answers suggest that anyone else could be in his place. The only reason to get in touch with someone is the pleasure of being near him.
Realistic expectations
If you think of Romeo and Juliet, get that heresy out of your head. They were teenagers, their affair lasted several days and ended in a mountain of corpses. So ideal. Just keep in mind that no matter how many insects flutter in the stomach, it will not always be so.
After a while, love no longer resembles the effect of a handful of cocaine. In a few years, the insects will fly away, and there will be many days when you want to become free again, like the wind, and dump on a tropical beach to twist the tails of tanned rescuers Malibu. He will stop admiring you. On the contrary, you will suddenly notice his beer belly. There will be days when you will be from dawn to dusk to throw a maximum of ten words. One day he will give you a juicer.
It's okay if you've been tied up with something more than a handful of butterflies in your stomach from the start. For example, mutual respect.
Respect
Anyone who has been in a relationship for more than 3-4 years, will confirm - sometimes love disappears and reappears. And if something helps not to run away in anticipation of the second (third, fourth, N-legs) honeymoon, it is respect. However, most people have no idea what it is and what it can be expressed in. Please: Respect is the assurance that your partner is not a sucker or a fool. Even if he is sometimes stupid and makes mistakes in kindergarten. This confidence that his opinion matters, that his ideas have a rational grain, that his hobbies are no worse than yours, and that his brains are just as functional. And if you have any problems, you should first discuss them with him, not with friends.
Responsibility for yourself
If you're bored, it's not his fault - it's not his fault to get into a relationship to get a personal animator. No one can make you happy, and your life is interesting (without putting anything in your tea or implanting electrodes in your brain). Advertising on other responsibility for your state of mind is a direct way to co-dependency.
Distance
"All mine is yours, all yours is mine." Look, leave it to the teenagers. Everyone should have their own personal space, personal friends, personal entertainment and personal time. Well, if these spheres touch each other somewhere. It's okay if they don't touch at all. It is very, very bad if their boundaries coincide perfectly. Living the same life for two, you both lose your identity. And in the event that you part - then the whole life.
The quarrels
If you never quarrel, it's no reason to be proud. It's a cause for concern. It's like a bike: If you want to learn how to ride, get ready to fall and break your knees. Over time, you will learn to fall as painlessly as possible. You will have conflicts, and if you are not able to quarrel or are afraid of swearing like fire, you will just keep them quiet, ignore or simulate misunderstanding. And the conflict will not go away.
Forgiveness
This item follows logically from the previous one. A quarrel is only a communication tool. But this is not a massacre in which one loses, and the other is photographed, putting his foot on the head of the defeated enemy. No calculations, no winners and no losers - fight to identify the problem and solve it, but not to trample each other in the mud. And never, never, ever wave your right in front of a person who has already recognized it.