I don't know why I decided to tell you about my story, maybe it's just a little too much, or maybe I just want to say something and vomit my pain.
I think that my life has already passed, the most important thing and the most valuable thing is far in the past, I live because I still cherish the hope to breathe in a little fire, which once burned.
I was 17 years old and in high school. Strong and carefree, I believed in pure love and a bright future. My life was wonderful, I didn't need anything, at least that's how I remember myself. I had a wonderful family, my dad was my ideal man and my mom, who always supported and understood me, my friends, my hobbies, I had absolutely nothing to complain about, that's how I remember myself.
And...there was him, my love. He was tall, blue-eyed - and... he had a great smile, he didn't have that smile, and no one did! As he walked past me - my heart was freezing, I was just flying in the clouds if he was dating me for a second - I was overwhelmed with thousands of emotions. We studied in the same parallel, I wouldn't say his name - because it's sacred to me, you can laugh, but it's true.
Once at our school we had a disco, I remember wearing a chiffon blouse, wrapped my hair gently around my waist and wore a short skirt, so that day I was prom queen. When it was time for a slow dance, a nice voice came to me, and it was pretty dark, standing behind me, he asked: "Can I ask you to dance?
I turned around pretty sharply and fell into a stupor - it was him! Until now, when I remember this moment, I am overwhelmed with feelings - it was the most beautiful day of my life! All the slow dances that night were danced by the two of us, I was intoxicated by the smell of him, his voice, everything seemed perfect to me.
After that evening, we only broke up when it was time to go home. I knew what it was like to be loved and what it was like to be a woman, and I knew everything about him for the first time as a woman.
When all the final and entrance exams were over - we went to the same university, there was a feeling of freedom and happiness that was very difficult to describe - it was a fairy tale - together we were nobody and nothing could stop us from enjoying each other. Already in our second year, we were renting our apartment - we were a family, everything that was happening in our little world - was filled with happiness and love. It seemed like we were breathing for each other, too.
We broke up early that day because I had to go through a commission at the hospital, and he had to go to the university for pairs, he walked me to the hospital, kissed my nose, and said: "I asked him to buy some milk at home and some other stuff and...we broke up. It was 11 p.m. and he didn't show up, so I started to worry, calling all his friends I knew.
But nobody knew where my favorite boy was...nobody could say anything, nobody even saw him on the couples. A day, a week, a month passed - he never came, the police said that they had started a case and would look for him. Then I was gone... I stopped attending the institute, every day I walked around the city and looked for my favorite, native blue eyes - but I couldn't find them anywhere, I was coming back in the middle of the night.
Cigarettes and wine became my dinner, and at night I wolved and cursed everything and everyone in the world, my parents came very often, persuaded me to go home - but I couldn't, I asked them to leave me alone, I couldn't see anyone.
It has been 7 years, and I still cherish the hope that he will return to my life. Parents and friends have already humbled themselves, even his grave was made and he is wearing flowers there on holidays ... But I do not believe that he left forever. I will always wait for him, always love and believe, believe and believe.
I can't express what I feel for my boy, and many people can't understand me. Maybe he'll read somewhere far away, my letter and remember me, maybe he has memory problems or he's being held by force somewhere - but I want him to know that I'm waiting for him and I'll always be waiting for him.
I believe that one day they will knock on my door and I will hear my voice.
Why didn't I go to university with him then, things would be different now...