Mother to leave room for her mother's tears in the heart, often very easy to flow to the child's heart. Do not think that hiding children do not know, you have a good life, there are more than you clear-mother feelings, often become the feelings of children. So, after the child is 3 years old, you have to have their own space, whether it is work, hobbies or friends.In short, this space has nothing to do with children, you can communicate with other adults, can give you energy, get happy, so you more energy as a mother.It also means that you can say"no" to your child, and when you need your own space, the child also learns to respect and accept the fact that he can't completely own the mother, and that's exactly what motivates your child to be self-sufficient. I bet you pick up early lessons for kids! Because moms are usually willing to sacrifice themselves and put the child at the top. However, the best investment is to spend the money on their own promotion. This time the mother needs to recharge herself, and the child does not lose the best course in the starting line, is not on what courses, happy to play!
Mother is responsible for her own emotions mother and child's emotions affect each other: "mother so hard, you are so disobedient!". "Don't stop, I'm angry!". "Don't make me angry!". The child seems to be our emotions dominate, we become slaves. When they act"good", we are in a good mood; when they act"bad", we feel like we can't see the day. Our emotions are good and bad, with the child up and down. The impact is mutual,we also turn the child into a slave, in order to make us happy, he / she may give up their own fun, try to behave"good", because that is what we like. Emotions have also become our weapons to control our children. However, you can not ask a slave without dissatisfaction, so sometimes the child and inexplicably against us, we are half mad. Mother-child entanglement, in the final analysis is emotional tangle especially easy to tangle with the child's mother, usually anxiety type. That is, the child that makes her angry, angry, worried in exchange for being a safe mother, may not feel at all what is the problem. Anxiety-type mother, can not stand the child depressed, the child's growth is a bittersweet thing, but they especially want the child "happy", if the child is not happy, they are like the enemy, unbearable. The overreaction of mums ' emotions often makes the child tremble
And a mother who looks particularly gentle and kind and kind, probably the most nervous and timid mother, they often overindulge children, raising lawless children in order to avoid conflict. So, a mother must take their emotions away from the child, do not let the child responsible for your emotions. This is your most responsible attitude to avoid imposing your own problems on the child. Anxious mothers simply can not be separated from the child, parent-child as far as this sentence, more for them to say;even if they firmly remember "far", with the child's distance is relatively close, need to struggle and hard to do "far".
If you're an avoidant, you don't like too much intimate relationships, you're far away from your children. Avoidant mothers will simply throw the child to the elderly or nanny, the child into the nursery, the child crying badly are too lazy to talk, let the child himself anxious mothers need to learn to do things, easy for avoidant mothers. The problem is that they are unable to establish a safe emotional connection with their children.
Then you need to do some hard work, with the child closer: spend more time with the child, especially for the child to do something, buy a gift for the child, hug him a lot, learn to be more sensitive to the child's emotions you need to learn how to close with the child. Far and near is a relative concept. It means that the mother can be aware of the child's growth, changes and needs, to bear the anxiety worry, gradually let go, allow the child to own the decision, allow him to grow up, allow him to not need the mother, allow him to make mistakes, take risks, leave us, become himself!