My daughter is introverted and doesn't like to talk to people. As she grew older over the years, I found that my daughter's words were less and less likely to speak at home. I'm always worried about her introverted character, and will come to this society will suffer. The first half of this year at home to add two treasures, I worry that one more family members will affect the daughter let her heart what to think, really let my mother's heart broken.
When I saw hong Chung-Ching's book "I want to listen to you" in Taiwan, I was attracted to the introduction at first glance. This is a book written for children as well as adults who were once children. Through a case story, the book analyzes the parent-child communication, as well as other family relationships in the emergence of a variety of situations.I would like to see how the author hong Chung-ching, from the perspective of a clinical psychologist, to deal with the communication and education of children.
Hong Chung-Ching has a professional knowledge background and rich clinical experience. He graduated from the Institute of Psychology, National Taiwan University, and worked as a clinical psychologist for children in Taipei City Hospital for 7 years. He later worked as a psychotherapist, working on early childhood therapy for special children, as well as parent-child interaction, interpersonal and emotional management. Hong Chung-Ching has set up the hong Chung-Ching Clinical Psychologist platform on Facebook, with more than 260,000 followers from all over the world.
"I want to listen to you" is a book about communication between parents and children. How to educate children, how to deal with the parent-child relationship, is the concern of every parent.In addition, there is a lot of space in the book about the husband and wife, this is also an important topic in family relations.
Hong Zhongqing also many articles, repeatedly stressed the importance of "emotion", we first have to deal with their emotions. Let yourself be a stable, peaceful person, we have the ability to deal with all kinds of relationships with the outside world.
Children come from us, but they don't belong to us
In the book "I want to listen to you", we see a father, after her daughter enters adolescence, because she is not familiar with the details of her daughter's life, with her daughter have a lot of contradictions, affecting the original intimate father-daughter relationship. There is also a mother, the child grew up independent, she felt lost, or can not help but intervene to control the child, and often conflict with the child.
This reminds me of the Big Bang network, twelve years do not go home in the United States and the Northern University Master. He complained to his parents on the internet, from small to large, without regard to his own wishes, arranged every step of his life. An outsider who seems to live a beautiful life, but he felt oppressed, suffering, eventually grow up with his parents after a complete break.
All parents are willing to give the best to the child but also hope that the child in accordance with their own ideas to live, so that children can be happy. But we tend to ignore that every child is an independent individual who has their own ideas and their own path to life.
Parents wishful thinking for the child to arrange life, only contrary to the nature of the child, let the child become a continuation of the parent's life. As parents, always remind yourself: all we can do is to accompany the child, help the child, let the child eventually become true to themselves.
As Gibran says in his poem: "your children,not just your children, are the children of life.They come after you, but not from you, they are with you, but not for you..."
Two, couples living in harmony, is the basis of family happiness
In one post, hong Chung-Ching mentions one occasion when she saw a woman in a public place throwing a tantrum at her husband, not even giving him a face, and throwing a paper towel at him in public. Fortunately, her husband is an understanding, high emotional intelligence people, not only did not get angry but also patiently coaxed his wife, eventually calm the wife's emotions.
After his wife's mood improved, the couple went on to talk about their child's emotional management. However, she can't even manage her emotions properly. how can she give her children a good role model and ask them to control their emotions?
Marriage requires us to work hard. It is a very difficult thing for two people with different family backgrounds to be able to combine together into a new family. In the work, treat harsh boss, rude colleagues, we all know to endure, but to accompany a lifetime partner here, but can not control their temper.
Harmony between husband and wife is the basis for ensuring family happiness. Wu Zhihong, a well-known psychologist in China, suggested that the most important relationship in the family is not the parent-child relationship, but the relationship between husband and wife. Want to have a harmonious and happy family, the couple must understand and accept each other, learn to put the relationship in the first place.
We must learn to take care of ourselves and make ourselves happy first
In the book "I want to listen to you", there is a mother because of her daughter's personality problems, unable to adapt to school life, her daughter had a shadow, even self-mutilation. The mother is very distressed, can not bear the child to grow up suffering, because of their inability to change and deep remorse, and even blame their genetic bad.
In fact, when parents do not have to take responsibility for everything the child, stop blaming yourself, will make yourself a lot easier. We always try to take care of our children and family, but we have to learn to take care of ourselves and take care of our emotions. Only let yourself be happy and happy, have the ability to take care of others.
Soon to get the book, erbao brother was born. My postpartum body was short of milk, but I wanted to breastfeed. The daughter of this time because of no one control, a lot of achievements. During that time I felt physically and mentally fatigued, unable to control their own mood, what are not pleasing, very low mood.
I think the book mentions that parents don't have to take responsibility for everything in their children, to stop blaming themselves. So I watched the bad mood to come, stay, and finally leave. And then I was able to deal with the problems that were before me, and I was able to deal with them in a calm manner, and I was prepared to accept things that I could not change.
I always focus on worrying about my daughter's personality, rather than focusing on myself first, managing my emotions and making myself stronger and happier. Give your daughter a good environment to grow up, a strong independent female role model, perhaps this is the biggest help for her future life path.
Hong Chung-Ching's "I want to listen to you" book not only taught me the communication skills of children, lovers and parents but also taught me to face up to my emotions and learn ways to heal myself.
"I want to listen to you", we want to listen to people, not just their children and their families, but also deep inside themselves. We have to listen to their own voices, take care of their emotions, let their hearts have a place, home. Then we have enough power to solve our troubles, to deal with the ups and downs of life