Guide
Why do you love and hate this person? Am I really planning to marry him or her? Do I want to break up with him or her? When you are "cutting constantly, and still chaos" for your heart, you may wish to use the "three-point" analysis method according to the psychologist's suggestion.
People's psychology is complex and multi-faceted, so there are often contradictions in the psychological interior. For example, if you love and hate one person, you hate it and you can't live without it, or you can't love it if you want to love it. Also can't forget and so on.
When deciding to establish a relationship - marriage, or destruction of relations - divorce, these contradictions will be particularly fierce, making people hesitate and difficult to decide.
Oneself said: "This person is good, every day is offering flowers, thoughtful and thoughtful, successful career, and he will be happy." Another self said with disdain: "Look at his chubby look." Another dissatisfaction with her husband. The wife wants to get divorced: "He is too bad. He quarrels with me when he is little. When he gets off work, he watches football and reads newspapers. He is not happy with him." And her other self will happen when the divorce will occur. Said: "I still can't bear him."
When you are in conflict, you will agree with this psychological principle: a person's psychology is like a small group, composed of several different "people." When there is a contradiction, one I want to love, the other I hate, maybe there is a third one I have a third opinion.
British writer D. H Lawrence wrote a non-fiction book, The Secret of Man, that people have two centers, one in the upper part of the body, the center of reason; the other in the lower part of the body, the center of sex. The two centers are like two independent people, each with their own love.
Lawrence's intuition is excellent, and it is also very appropriate to analyze the human psychological level in this way. But in fact, people should at least be divided into three centers: "head center", "heart chest center" and "sex center".
To clarify your attitude towards your partner, psychologists can clarify these three centers separately—in other words, your three different self attitudes toward that person.
"Three-point" detection
The method is very simple, that is, let you imagine your head, heart, and sex as three villains, imagine that they can speak, and then let them express their attitudes separately - just as these three people are in a meeting to discuss. Then you can know: Who is the one who loves each other? Who is the one who hates each other? Who is in conflict with who is in his heart?
"Head center"
The "head center" values rationality. Sometimes he looks at marriage in a realistic attitude, what is the social status of the other party? What is the economic status? ... Although women claim to be more emotional, in fact, women use "heads" more when deciding on marriage. The marriage brought by this "head" is mostly "real marriage", the feelings are dull, and the conflict is not obvious.
The "head center" is not entirely a calculation of coldness. He also has his own feelings. He likes people who are "consistent with their own opinions" and "talking to them". People who like to compete with themselves intellectually are like this. People have an acceptable feeling. Some of the intellectual couples are "heads" and "heads" who love each other. Their interest lies in talking about arguments. This kind of "head" love is actually not strong in gender awareness and feels like a good friend. This "head" love brings "friendship marriage."
"Heart center"
The "heart center" values emotions. He does not pay much attention to the conditions of reality, and faithfulness is the need for emotions. The relationship between husband and wife is "diverse". Some are ones who love the other as if they are a child; some are two people who are attached to each other as two children; some are like a classic love story. Sometimes, the two "hearts" collide, which is the source of pain and scorn and hate hatred. All kinds of joys and sorrows, all kinds of sadness and pain, all kinds of sweet happiness can happen on this level.
"to be continued in the next part"
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