You may think you're a nice little murky. Again, they couldn't help it, and they were mildly mourning. Still a little bit murky, but the reason is objectively weighty, so it will do. And today you really, really sad and lonely again, you can. And here he really promised something and does not give, we must inform him about it. And yesterday he asked himself what was going on, what he was upset about - well, they told him in detail how and why they had a quarrel with their girlfriend.
And at this time, the attitude to you and your image in the head of the person to whom everything is turned, changes, changes, changes for the worse.
And then, "unexpectedly," treason, divorce, betrayal (in extreme cases), deterioration of attitude, a decrease of respect and love, reduction of own desire to do something and give.
This is best understood with the help of "shapeshifters". To put yourself in the place of another.
If I see a person who expresses dissatisfaction or constantly whining - I do not want to share with him something, to have close relationships, to build serious ties, tied up on something important to me. I don't want to get involved with the weak. It is not interesting to communicate either.
So why should people's attitudes towards me be different when I'm crying?
No matter how normal it may seem to me (self-centered), it's not normal, it's not beautiful, it's not nice, it's not smart, it's not strong.
But sometimes, yes, it can all happen once in a while.
And now I am consciously getting rid of all sorts of whining in my life.
What can I replace? Silence, constructive and positive. I have long changed a lot in thinking and perception of situations, introducing "7 magic rules that change a life" from Alexander Palienko. Therefore, cleaning the rest is quite easy.
When we whine, what do we do? We use small hammers (or big hammers) to drive another person's head and perception of us - "Weak", "Weak", "Weak", "Weak". By themselves, by their actions. We hurt ourselves.
If the witness of our whining is not familiar to us, and he is strong - he may even nod and feel sorry for it, but it will cause him rejection and unwillingness to get closer acquainted, unwillingness to approach now - while the poor man has such a weak period.
If the interlocutor is as weak, he or she will start to play either the game "I like to mourn too, it's all bad" or the game "Rescuer".
If the witness of our whining is familiar to us, and regularly listens to it all from us, then each time he will have a ripening inside: "And if I do not go away from this weak man, he pulls me down. At least temporarily leave, now, to distance myself, so that all this is not sticky to me, and I do not have to be constantly something.
With whining people it can even be interesting for a short time - it's a show.
But the stronger people are treated at first as freaks, like - "Is it really possible to whine about this? I wonder where it will take him. How does it be logic work in general? What will it come from life? What will happen next? Then with irritation, if he becomes sticky, or when they just run out of time for this kind of short entertainment, and it is necessary to do their own business, life boils. But the weak usually immediately see the "his", and connect to the full.
If you whine, you are weak! Always, without excuses. A self-respecting person does not want to be considered weak.
Sometimes, of course, you can be weak, take it in yourself, be calm, but not regularly.
It is clear that there are various situations in life, there are depressions, there are bad things. It happens that for long periods of time it is impossible to find joy in life (although still pumped personality does not sink so deeply and does not go into the maze of egocentrism and self-pity).
But still whining is a habit. A habit in this form to broadcast what you have in mind is a habit of thinking that way.
The habit of throwing everything out, all their discontent and frustration, to focus on them.
You can express your emotions about any situation in any way other than whining.
If you haven't learned yet, it doesn't mean it's impossible or not so.
It is always worth watching strong people, relaxed, with a sense of humor and self-irony, with an emphasis on positive moments and solving problems, learn from those who do not have this garbage - how they react, what they are drawn to them, for what reasons they are so attractive, that it is worth modeling?
To be continued in the next part