By whining in this article I mean the habit of pouring out your discontent - to other people, to yourself, to the universe, to God, to life. The habit of doing it regularly, to think in this way, often without even reflecting, without noticing what your words are really.
That is, I am not talking about one-off moments - they can be absolutely any person. As a matter of fact, sometimes one can weep within the limits of the norm, especially to a close friend and in a difficult situation or some rare state, accumulated fatigue and anger.
But to talk in the form of whining regularly, every day is already yes, self-destructive for a person for a variety of reasons.
How to stop whining? Simple enough. You just need to realize something for yourself. Read the article and it will become clearer.
What does whining do?
1) weakens the person from the inside - regular habit makes him/her seem weak, concentrates on what is wrong, what he/she cannot do, what others or the universe have failed to give him/her, what he/she has been deprived of. There is powerlessness - if it is not, how can I give it to myself? No, I can't. Hands down. Washed even more.
2) is read by others as a weakness - in general, or as a weak period, a temporary state. But always as a weakness, Damage. No matter what the sauce is, whatever it may seem to you. And weakness also causes aggression.
3) as a consequence of the second point, reduces the importance in the eyes of other people, reduces respect and desire to do something for someone who whines, causes embarrassment for the person, reduces the desire to partner or enter into close relationships - at least because the weak back does not want to set up (it's a natural instinct), the eternal nanny to be, too, and just not interesting and boring - there is no one to reach out for in a relationship with such a person, drive and a high bar. A swamp with a whiner. Relationships collapse, if they are, you want to distance yourself from a person with such a habit.
Do you want to be flawed in the eyes of another?
Forms of whining:
- Condemnation of others, saying their grievances, grievances, problems, concerns, "want" in the form of disorder and claims.
- Expression of claims in social networks to the posts of acquaintances and especially strangers.
- Demanding more attention, love, care, approval from a loved one, more participation, and interest. The indignation "why are you so...!
- Statements like "normal men are not left", "all idiots", "it is impossible to live in Russia".
In most cases, with rare exceptions, all this is whining. Even if it is said as if from above with the look of a person who knows everything and has seen everything, or a nice voice of a woman in love.
Waxing is directly related to the habit of not taking responsibility for what is happening to you and not to understand their share of participation and the importance of their perception, their thinking in any ongoing events.
This is all (as well as boasting) - a tool to defeat himself. If it is a norm of communication, it is very harmful to yourself.
How people feel about whining?
Washing is from infantilism and self-centeredness.
No matter how important or even constructive you think your whining is - that you're tired, that you're missing something else or something nice - how you miss it, other people (those to whom it is addressed) read it exactly like whining, how tense.
Pull out by force. It is pressure and violence.
If a person is open and located, if your importance is great, then he or she will treat any whining quite normally for some time, he or she will be glad of your high degree of affection that you have decided to entrust him or her with something important. Will try to change, to give what you need from him, to match. The safety margin, in this case, is great. But there is a limit to everything.
Someone will get caught and sleep when they hear whining. But that's why Karpman's triangle has 3 sides - Rescuer - Stalker - Victim. Sooner or later, the weakness of a whining person starts to piss off even a rescuer and he starts to press harder, persecute, for which he gets the reciprocal aggression and becomes a victim.
Anyway, you whine, and your importance for the other person drops.
To be continued in the next part