From a fairly recent study, I noticed that many people are searching on the Internet "how to find true love and not suffer." Honestly, I was a little puzzled by this research.
I tried to understand how it was possible that a person is looking for true love and at the same time, is looking for a way to stop suffering. I had to remember my suffering and remember if I was actually looking for something similar. It then occurred to me how in effect, during my suffering, I was also looking for someone to love me. But was it really so?
When we suffer from the end of a story (or even worse for a story that we are unable to close), we tend to look for someone who can give us consolation, and make us feel loved again. The contrast, however, is in the search for "true love" during a rather acute suffering.
It means giving birth to a relationship based on suffering, looking for a person who loves us while we are sick, during a lament and a negative period.
If it is true that some relationships (but believe me, I know very few) have turned out to be lasting, it is very true that such relationships often tend to close badly. The fact is that the person who is ill seeks in a partner a push and support to make their self-esteem grow again which, once reached, will face a reality; the person found, the same person who has increased our self-esteem, we do not really love her. This is the problem of finding love during a period of suffering. When we start to feel good, really well, our feelings change, our motivations change, and the reasons why we want a partner change. If these reasons (while we are well) no longer correspond, even minimally, to some of the reasons that led us to find our partner during suffering, then the relationship no longer has any reason to exist.
When a person has low self-esteem, he suffers, he is insecure, we often hear him say "I just want a person who loves me, give me love ..."
How many times have you heard that? And how many times have you said it to friends? Don't worry, it is completely normal, but it is precisely the reason that then tends to make you suffer. A statement of that kind (I just want a person to love me, give me love ...) does nothing but highlight a certain lack of self-esteem and self-respect.
It is right to want a person who loves us, and give us love, but it is clear that in truth, we have very little to give, but only to take. "But no, but what do you say !!! I have much to give, I am ready to give love! "
Are you really sure? Are you giving yourself love? When you suffer and spend time feeding this suffering, for example, you are NOT giving yourself love, so you CANNOT even donate it! Many people confuse love with "sharing their suffering"!
This is not loving at all!
- Of course, there will be moments in which we will want to share with our partner, some difficult moments, precisely of suffering, but these, must NOT be the fulcrum (or the bases / birth) of our relationship!
- A SANA relationship must be born among HEALTHY people. By healthy people I mean they already feel good about themselves. May they give love to themselves, who dedicate time to their own interests, passions, goals and dreams.
- If today, relationships have such short durations and are often carried out only out of habit, it is precisely because of these personal shortcomings. The other person is looking for the security that we do not have for the first time, when it is precisely on this that we should work.
- A phrase from Osho expresses this concept very well: "You can love only when you are happy inside yourself. Love cannot be added from the outside. It's not a garment you can wear. "
I think it expresses the juice of all this well. To give LOVE, you must first be full. Stop looking for love if you're sick, you're not comfortable with yourself and you think nobody will ever love you!
But this is only if you allow yourself to LOVE YOU FIRST / OR! Otherwise, do not be surprised if you run the risk of being disappointed again.
Remember that there is no better sacrifice than a suffering person. Find a way to feel good, and then, at that moment, the person you want and meet can really be right!