Capricious children! How much trouble they create! Especially when they get hysterical in public places. When they do not obey, when they do not want to dress to go to kindergarten.
Caprices in the eyes of parents
Imagine you're standing in line with a child. Hold a basket of groceries in one hand and wriggle in the other to reach out to that candy.
You have already explained that you will not buy candy. But your child insistently continues to demand. And now, before you had time to blink an eye, as the whims began.
Normal words and requests were useless. Have to include a bad cop and resort to rudeness.
That's how it works. Only so understands!
Caprices through the eyes of a child's emotions
Mom's yelling at me. Says I'm bad. She is strict, she is evil. She doesn't love me. When she loved me, she pretended, but she didn't really need me!
The child experiences one or more of the following emotions:
Pity for myself - I am a good child, and she treats me so badly. I don't deserve this. My mother hurts me. She doesn't care what I feel bad about. She doesn't love me.
Offense - it's not fair. Mom shouldn't treat me like that. She should love me, and she should be angry. She shouts and doesn't love me.
The desire for revenge - I will die, and you will cry! Then you will understand who you have lost. You will regret that they treated me badly, but it will be too late.
Woe - I am an unnecessary child. They treat me badly, so they don't like me. I am superfluous. I wish I hadn't been there. Why did they give birth to me at all?
Suppressed anger - I want to shout at her, snap at her, but you can not because it will be even worse when resisting.
Fear - my mother will give up on me completely. He will call the police and I will be taken away for bad behavior. She will give up on me completely, completely!
It's not a complete list, but it's a good start, right?
These emotions form the basis of your child's adult life!
In adulthood, your child will be pouring alcohol into their inner wounds. Pain and emptiness in the chest to smoke cigarettes. Fear of being alone (in the stomach) and eating unhealthy foods.
Is there a healthier way? Of course, there is!
I have seen it many times in different countries of the world. It is as simple as two times two. But there is one nuance...
Parents are afraid to do what I want them to do!
The nature of fears is embedded in the misconceptions about the psychology of the child, which have taken root since the time of serfdom.
And at this moment we find two logical mistakes!
I will speak briefly about the first one. If you are beaten every time you are offended or angry, what happens? Will it make you an unblaming and unkind person? Of course not.
It will make you a person who has learned to press the negative deeply. It leads to alcoholism, for example. Alcoholics always give a way out of this negative.
The second mistake. Look, what an interesting logic: "If you love, it means to allow it, and if it is tough, it means to forbid it".
Now a small trick. Let's break the connection between "love" and "allow". And here's what we'll get...
During the whims, hug the child, hold him, kiss him, caress him. At the same time, softly and lovingly, DO NOT Expand what you do not allow.
Does the child feel that they are not loved? No! Does it feel unnecessary? No! Does it feel like you are cruel to him? No, you are soft on him. You love him. He feels your warmth and support. He feels good. He calms down.
Love absorbs everything! It swallows the whole negative.
The baby's emotions are returning to normal. The awareness increases. In this state, it is easy to understand and realize the verbal information from the parents' mouths.
At this moment, it is easiest to agree with your child!
The child copies the parents' behavior!
Do you hit your son with a belt? And in 20 years he will be drunk driving his wife all over the apartment with a stool in his right hand. And what is it like for the neighbors? When you want to relax, and through the wall rumbling, shouting, math-pere-mat...
Do you love your daughter? She will love her child as much as you do. Her husband will love her as much as you love her. Set an example of love. Your daughter will be much calmer and more confident in herself.
The more you love your child, the more happiness you create in their future.
If you give your child love and attention, he or she won't be enough, he or she will start demanding more.
Imagine you've got a huge pack of chocolate bars. You've never had such delicious meals (nobody gave them to you).
You eat one after the other. According to this logic, you will want more. Okay, keep eating. The more you eat, the more you want to eat? Does the hunger and desire to eat grow exponentially?
Obviously not.
Quenching any thirst leads to relief and satiety. First of all, it concerns the thirst for love. So quench it at last! And stop scolding, shouting, humiliating your closest person.
You can love in portions for 20 seconds, distributing them in time. They came up, stroked on the head, hugged, went on.
At first the child will be surprised...
How is that so? Yesterday, they criticized me for disobedience, but today they talk, explain and love me. Yesterday we would have cracked the back of our head for pampering, today they hug us.
It's soothing, relaxing...
It's warm, cozy with my parents. They understand me, appreciate and love me. They need me. I am a welcome child. They are safe and protected. They are so good. I want to do something good for them. I want to behave as they ask.
Love the children, friends! Love them down, not hard. They will answer you with reciprocity and obedience. I wish you love in your families because children are so great!