It is the case of all those people who are caught up with self-esteem problems, often dictated by all the memories of small or large failures of the past.
You have to know that self-confidence is built up through experiences, just like contempt. The problem is that we tend to remember our failures as makers of pain and suffering. We literally record this information and, depending on what we have experienced, we label it "failure". The problem is that in that image of failure there are ourselves, and here then, the "real" image becomes that we have failed.
All this sometimes happens even with a single disappointment. We are so used to remembering the disappointments that every little success was "forgotten" by us. The good news is that we can re-habituate our mind to success. By doing this, it will be possible over time to increase one's self-confidence.
But how do you really have this famous self-confidence? How can you feel like a "successful" person?
Whether it is to achieve a goal, a desire, or other things, one of the very common problems is to want "everything and immediately", not least, that of wanting immediately things that, at the moment, seem too big and impossible. In these cases, a new failure is assured, and the program repeats itself. When we are aware of having low self-esteem, it would be a good thing to have small goals. Why? Have you ever heard that "success is successful"? It's really like this! Literally!
A very fitting example is that of boxers: a manager knows how important self-esteem is for an athlete, so what does he do? Pay much attention to selecting the future meetings of your client, so that they can step by step through a series of successes. You can apply the same principle to your life. If you have a great dream, a great desire, you could, for example, create intermediate "stages". Once you have defined these stages, create others, between one stage and another. In this way, you find yourself with many small goals aimed at the final desire.
Another very important thing is to learn to record even the smallest successes. This will not only do you good and will help you to increase your self-esteem, but it will make you realize how in fact you can be a capable person, and you will internalize "new memories" thus going to undermine the now obsolete failures and disappointments.
- For example, I record my successes celebrating every time. Think carefully. when you do something wrong, most of the time you have an external (sometimes quite strong) expression. This we can define an anchor towards mistakes. You should rather become almost indifferent to failures, and start anchoring your successes!
- Start thinking of "failures" as attempts to achieve success; it does not matter if it has not yet been reached. Write down what you have learned, keep this teaching, but then DO NOT think about failure anymore. Use teaching to try to reach the goal in other ways!
- Start every night, every morning, deliberately thinking about all those times you've even had a little success. See the image of yourself that you acted and you did it.
It is not important if it was a big or a small thing. It is important to learn to remember moments when you felt like a person who CAN! And anyone in anything has succeeded. If you do this every day, you will change your mental image that you have of yourself in the present too !! Exactly as you had done so far for failure and lack of self-esteem, or thinking only about what you were NOT able to do. The choice, as you can see, is up to you! You can choose to think about successes or failures. Depending on what you choose, you project your image in the present and in the future, determining the quality of your life.
Once you learn to recall images of yourself in successful situations, you can use this emotion to get closer to a new task; if you get into that feeling of "I did it", you can start whatever new thing you want. This is how we work.
So, starting today, start doing something new, anything (a sport, a hobby, a passion, an online job, etc ..) giving you SMALL GOALS for you reachable. You might surprise yourself in a few weeks of what you are actually capable of.
- A good thing, it would also (and perhaps begin with) self-acceptance. But it is a really long speech to express in this article. I'll see if I prepare a complete one in the future.