Being able to feel good on your own, really well, is one of the most important things you could do in your life. It is fundamental for the most varied reasons; not to depend emotionally on someone, not to delegate one's happiness to the outside, not to seek love to fill a void that is actually generated by something to "settle" within us.
The choice of wanting to feel good is really a wonderful thing, which finally allows us to get to know each other thoroughly. We must first understand WHAT we like to do. What hobbies, what passions, what interests, and what skills we would like to improve/develop. It is, therefore, a question of giving direction to our life. A direction that is pleasant for ourselves and us only.
It may happen that some people feel stuck from the beginning, or in understanding or knowing what they like. If you are one of these, don't worry, it's completely normal. If on the other hand, you have neglected yourself for a long time, it is understandable not to know what you like.
Let's not go much exceptions:
- first of all, make a nice list of all the things you might like
- Take a new sheet, divide it into two columns. In the one on the left put what you THINK you may like best, on the right, those that stay out.
- At this point, you should have a series of "favorite things" to start with. Take one, and start cultivating it.
It is only EXPERIENCING that you will discover if you really like something, you are passionate about it and therefore you will be motivated to carry it out. Of course, this is not limited to just that. It must be considered that one of the reasons why a person is not well on his own, is also the way he thinks of himself.
There is a commonplace that says "I am alone, so I am loser".
Apart from the fact that learning to feel good alone does not mean being alone. It means knowing how to fully enjoy those moments when we are alone at home, in the evening, or simply want to do something, but we don't do it because there is nobody.
An example? There are some nights when there are no friends coming out and I want to dine out. Why postpone if I want to go this evening? So I get ready and go to the restaurant alone. The first few times I felt a little embarrassed, but like all things, it is a matter of habit and now I have learned to enjoy these solitary dinners very much.
The commonplace I mentioned earlier concerns this; the fear of "feeling unlucky" comes from the fear of "what others think if ...", so it is rather the image THAT YOU have of YOURSELF that you care, and this constant fear of judgment, of being judged.
Il luogo comune di cui accennavo prima, riguarda proprio questo; la paura di “sentirsi sfigati” deriva dalla paura di “cosa pensano gli altri se….”, quindi è piuttosto l’immagine CHE TU hai DI TE STESSO che ti frega, e questa paura costante del giudizio, dell’esser giudicato.
Cambia l’immagine che hai di te stesso, e cambierai il modo in cui pensi che ti vedano gli altri.
Our thoughts, as far as feeling good about ourselves, play a truly fundamental role. In any situation, it is what you think makes you feel safe/insecure, accepted / not accepted, loser/master of your life, etc ... Remember that there is no right way to be or to live. YOU are the way, YOU choose your way and what will make you feel good, will be the right one for you.
So, if you have researched on the internet the way to feel good on your own and with yourself, it means that you are pressing like a thing, and therefore it is time to start doing it really.
- It all starts with the first step. And the first step is precisely to start doing something for yourself that you like. The second is to stop giving up something just because there is no one else to do it with. Get in and do it by yourself! Overcome the mental obstacle. And here we connect then to the third step. Work on your thoughts, fear of judgment and how you see yourself.
- This last step is undoubtedly the most complex and also the one on which to pay the most attention. I repeat to you again that a lot starts with a thought. The way you act, the way you talk, the way you complete (or don't carry) certain things. They are all your creations and your thoughts (often negative automatics). On these, you must focus your attention and STOP believing everything your mind says.