23.03.1911 Perm.
Kostya, what is wrong with you, you do not write for so long! I have already changed my mind: aren't you ill? Maybe you don't find it interesting to correspond with me?
This year I have a surprisingly smooth mood: I do not read anything, do not study. The boss again began to pick on me, and the cool lady, who I loved so much and who treated me very well. I was stripped of my medal, and I was reduced because of my behavior. I don't go on vacation - everything is punished. My head is also empty. I can't wait to come.
26.06.1911.
Thank you, Kostya, for the letter. Now I live at the Votkinskiy factory. The regiment my father serves in was transferred here. My address: to the commander of the second company Turaev for Elizabeth Nikolaevna. I came with a gold medal, and the boss said that she forgave me for the sake of my good soul - I do not know what I showed this kindness. I can't say anything about the future yet, because my dad can't support me in Simbirsk. So I have to find lessons first, and then maybe I can study in the eighth grade of the gymnasium in Simbirsk, and it will be easier for me to go to St. Petersburg there. The Votkinsk factory is a remote area, which is not enough, even a library is not available, and there is nothing to talk about intelligent people. I miss it very much here. We live quite far from the center, where there is a beautiful pond, and its dam is a place for festivities, and in the heat, which drops only to ten o'clock, there is no hunting to walk. You also think about St. Petersburg. Will you go there and when? You haven't answered my questions yet, though you know that I will answer yours frankly. I am frank and I love the same attitude to myself. To anticipate your thoughts: "God, what a naivete, sentimentality. Isn't that right? But that's not the case at all. I just manage one thing: "I want to," and why shouldn't it be, because I respect the will of others, of course.
Now I read "Chains" Ozheshko. And I think that marriage is nothing but chains, especially for a woman. I feel sorry for married women, of course, young women. All their personal life is lost, and it is a common destiny almost, with a rare exception. I stand against marriage, wondering how you are?
I send you my photo. Am I right to guess that your eyes are gray? I have a vague color: sometimes green and sometimes gray, for which I was called "mermaid" and "Undine" in the boarding house.
I don't know how you take my disgusting handwriting apart. Judging by you, we are the opposite.
Kostya, be honest with me, forget that I am a young lady. Your restraint, secrecy does not allow me to trust you.
Lisa.
This letter was accompanied by a photo of the institute in a white apron, with a white cape on his shoulders. The black bow supported the lushly styled pile of hair. The face was gullible, with a big beautiful mouth and wide-open smiling eyes. Kostya Karnovsky" was written on the back of the photo, "as a reminder of our original friendship.
Colored screensavers were printed on the postal paper: some letters had Petrushka, the chasing line, and others had nice riding a red green-eyed cat. The address looked old-fashioned and funny: "Kazan. Continuation of the second mountain, the house of Averianov. His nobility Karnovsky. Here and there, there were dried flowers in homemade envelopes made of transparent paper.
12.09.1911. Sarapul.
Thank you very much, friend, for your letter. Indeed, a lot of water has flowed since we started to write. It's funny to remember how naive I was in boarding school! Only now I'm getting to know life, and I can't say it meets me with flowers. I wanted to finish eighth grade in Simbirsk, gathered there, was left to put on a coat and hat, as I suddenly get a telegram that there is not a single vacancy. I had to stay and finish eighth grade in Sarapul. And how here I miss you! All alone! There is absolutely no one to talk to! How many doubts! It was impossible to live with hopes, dreams of the future. So I went to a drawing school. The fee is inexpensive but still had to take another lesson. I'm trying to save at least some money because I'm very much suffering from my dependence on my parents and know that it will be especially hard in St. Petersburg. You, Kostya, complain about the separation of students. And in my opinion, there can be no unity when there is no big common cause. However, there is a case, but everyone understands it differently. In my opinion, ideal communication can be only in critical moments. And in a quiet time, students should live in circles that have their own goals. The organization of these clubs, in my opinion, depends entirely on us. Here I am, for example. What a pleasure it would be to have my club here! But unfortunately, it is impossible. I am a gymnast. And the gymnasium sets narrow limits for independent thought. I am burdened by the gymnasium. I waited in the boarding school, waited for the end! And here again, the whole year to suffer.
God, I want to live a wide life, with meaning, with my own will! I read Ibsen, I read Belinsky, delighted with both. Goodnight!
23.03.1912. Dr. Hooks.
How long has it been since we wrote to each other, Kostya! Maybe you have lost the desire to correspond with me? As you can see, I still have it. I am very interested in your letters, especially when you have a circle and a magazine. You once wrote that the purpose of the magazine is to unite young people. But it only ignited my curiosity.
Did you know that I serve in the village? I need the means to learn. At least with a penny, but I gave myself the floor to go to St. Petersburg next year. Maybe I will go to Bestuzhevskie. I have always wanted to study art - I have a decent ability to draw, but it is difficult for me financially. I still intend to go to the math department because I am convinced that mathematics is the shortest way to independent thinking. I don't count on my father's help, we speak different languages. In short, I have a lot of strength and desire, but I do not know. And, yet I am not discouraged, yet I hope I do not know what I am doing.
I do not regret living in the village at all. Before, I had no idea about it, but now I have gained experience, albeit not much. The world of my concepts has expanded in terms of how unhappy and ignorant my people are! It will take millennia before our efforts (intellectuals) bear fruit, and until then equality, at least spiritual, is impossible. I wonder how these issues are dealt with in your circle. I have many acquaintances from different universities, and I observe that they live in a surprisingly unrecorded way. Maybe I'm wrong.
Where do you spend your summer? In early July I am going to Simbirsk. I will probably go to Kazan and I would like to see you. I wish you all the best and shake hands.
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