An ambiguous world
Although the virtual world can now be a way to enter into a relationship with the other, immediately and beyond the physical space, just this virtual relationship can be used in a defensive and harmful, especially among the youngest. For example, in many people suffering from social phobia, the Internet can be used not so much to bypass this condition but to avoid even more the human contact face to face, worsening the state of the disease and giving an illusory sense of having made it out of fear of the real relationship.
The continuous exposure to video games, online games, and social networks change the way of perceiving oneself and others, the way of seeing and living the surrounding world. In fact, what many young people have to deal with for most of the hours of the day does not consist in the "real" world but artificially created, in a computer space, which goes beyond the limits of everyday reality, applying its rules (often non-rules) to which to comply in order to make the best use of the platform chosen.
Just think of the immediacy of reaching people through smartphones, the use of online chats or social networks, to be always informed about the activities of others that interest us. One can create the illusion of always being in a company when in reality one finds oneself in solitude with one's own smartphone/console, a solitude denied by superficial, circumstantial relationships based on the appearance of social sharing. Or, just as dangerous, we are increasingly building a façade Self, of appearance, predominant but not true, for fear of being judged "not enough" by our followers, who have taken the place of friends.
Anxieties, worries, and violence
The use of the virtual world has thus allowed the proliferation of pages in which the ideal models can become more and more ideal, more and more perfect, building an insurmountable gap between reality and virtually/appearance.
Especially in adolescence, a period of life during which one is strongly looking for an ideal to be inspired by, the continuous exposure to idealized models of success, talent, beauty, wealth, "beautiful life," can lead to a distortion of one's sense of perceived effectiveness, of self-esteem. (Read also: depression in adolescence)
On the one hand, the aspiration to models of life that may seem "above the rules", characterized by wealth, beauty, exceptional qualities achieved without effort, can create in young people the illusion of being "special", omnipotent and therefore above the rules shared. To them, everything is due, as superior beings because they are so similar to their own ideal models. Omnipotence soon results in violence and aggressiveness towards the less powerful, victims on whom to launch to assert their strength. Episodes of violence by young people against people in difficulty are regularly present in the news, as well as the now widespread acts of cyberbulling. This violent phenomenon is facilitated by the distance that the virtual world places between itself and the real world. Relationships become depersonalized, anonymous and this can encourage the birth of cyberbullying phenomena in even extreme forms, which can make the victims suffer in front of an audience of thousands of people, amplifying, even more, the pain. The lack of adequate defense systems against cyberbullies makes the suffering of victims even more unbearable and difficult to fight.
On the other hand, this continued exposure to fictitious models can cause serious damage to self-esteem, especially in the most sensitive young people in this sphere. The sense of continuous failure to reach the desired standards can cause intense feelings of anxiety, depression, panic, and relational isolation.
Self-esteem, therefore, is one of the aspects of personality that is most at stake in vitality. Wanting to please, please others, be admired and look, are ways to regulate self-esteem, even at the cost of not showing your true face. Just as it is a great pleasure to see these goals achieved, so you can see how fragile this virtual adjustment of self-esteem is as well. A slight drop in appreciation can have very important consequences on the perception of oneself, moreover in a delicate period such as adolescence, during which the judgment of others plays a very important role in the perception of oneself.
It is important to note that what has been said can also be valid on the contrary. The use of the virtual in a certain pathological way can be the consequence of anxious, depressive or psychotic states, which the person tries to stem or vent through the compulsive, excessive and harmful use of online platforms. It is therefore important to note what can be hidden under the use of the Internet, not to neglect states of deep suffering that are not explicitly communicated, states that adolescents often tend to hide under a facade of complacency, distance or defensive aggressiveness.
Another important aspect of the Internet and social networks is speed. Thanks to these tools, life has become faster, easier and more manageable in many aspects, both recreational and working. Also relational, since thanks to these platforms people can always be reached for the exchange of messages, calls or video calls. Time seems to be running out thanks to this speed of access and exchange. Everything seems immediately reachable and accessible, you can get anything instantly. The dimension of waiting, of desire too, is canceled.
Often one hears of a sense of emptiness in adolescents. A sense of emptiness that is not only connected to "who am I and who will I be?", a question of this age, but today also very much linked to the problem of the absence of waiting and therefore of desire. The world is consumed quickly, there seems to be nothing new to discover, everything can be had instantly. Frustration is no longer tolerated, it is responded to with instantaneous violence, so intense as to be frightening compared to the cause that triggered it. From the lack of real contacts, one passes from violent contact with the world, felt no longer accessible and available to one's own whims.
Stay in touch with reality
This leads us to consider how much virtual contact is not equivalent to real contact, made of verbal and non-verbal communication. The latter is always maimed in the virtual world, often completely excluded and replaced by emoticons, gifs, which should convey the multitude of meanings that normally non-verbal communication transmits. This exclusion of the body can become an important fact of psychic discomfort since in adolescence the use of the body as a means of communication is predominant, fundamental also for the construction of personal identity. Seeing and feeling one's own body and the other's body in a reciprocal relationship, feeling the real relationship between the two people who find themselves together is an essential point in development. It also allows us to better understand the personality of the other, to better understand what we are saying in a relationship. Through messages, posts, e-mails, communication can be distorted, confused and misunderstood. Skipping this step can hide an underlying fear of entering into a relationship with others, discomfort in the perception of one's own body or fear of what is happening, because of sudden bodily changes in adolescence. It is very important, therefore, to pay attention to how the virtual world is used in its relational aspects.
The Hikikomori phenomenon
A phenomenon that is now dramatically present and growing in the area is represented by the so-called Hikikomori, teenagers who choose to withdraw drastically from real life, to devote themselves exclusively to the virtual world. Withdrawal from school, from friends, from family, are all steps that are done gradually. Instead, the hours spent in front of video games, online chat rooms and on the Internet increase, upsetting the normal sleep-wake rhythms, meals, normal physiological behavior, and relational contacts. The serious pathology underlying this phenomenon can be of various types, but thanks to the gradual withdrawal, parents can intervene promptly to prevent a drastic worsening.
Speaking to mental health professionals, psychotherapists and psychologists can give a window to breathe and return to see the real world, in a less frightening way than these girls and these boys, have seen it.
In conclusion, the problems related to the pathological use of the Internet and the virtual world, can be both the cause and the consequence of a mental distress and suffering of some adolescents. Not being able to find their way in the real world, they opt for his surrogate and substitute, but even more amplifying their difficulties. Psychological or psychotherapeutic intervention can help adolescents who find themselves in this condition to reintegrate into the social fabric, in a more harmonious and less conflictual way. This delicate path, however, also requires the attention and support of parents, who detect the traces of difficulties in the children, welcome the communicative meaning and enhance it, allowing girls and boys in difficulty to resume their path of growth, even through a path of mental health care.