What a gloomy sky in the autumn and always bad weather, which is very depressing and takes away the last forces that were already at the end. The sky is covered with lead clouds, and a strong wind blows out the window. It hasn't rained yet, but it will. Maybe now, or maybe later, but I don't care...
A cool window sill, an open vent, and me sitting on my knees. Stubbornly reaching for another useless cigarette to drown out the pain coming from the inside, although I understand that it does not help. My face is red and wet from tears, and I don't wipe them away anymore, I just look at the distance of the spreading city lifelessly and sigh hard, remembering the events of the last days...
After all, everything was good at first. Just as I once dreamed and dreamt in my dreams. We met Slavik by chance. How? I will tell you... Some unlucky day. I was nervous at the time, and I was worried about my last undivided sympathy. I really liked the guy who in a short period of time was able to spin his head and then it turned out he had a girlfriend. I sat in a stupor all day, digesting what I heard. But how could that be?! Why was he lying to me? And then my friends whispered:
"He needs nothing more than sex from you..."
The world is in small pieces. I had to make such a mistake in a man who just decided to use me for profit! Upset and exhausted, I decided to take my mind off something so I wouldn't get mad at the crazy thoughts that were torturing me from the inside and keeping me awake. Without interest, I went to the ICQ, which did not go more than a month, where I saw a yellow envelope from a stranger Uin-a.
"Hi. Let's get acquainted? - I was texting, and I wriggled. The guy was very persistent, so I said yes. That's when I first recognized Slavik. He made me laugh, trying to make me smile, and he did it. I complained that all the guys were assholes, and I got only losers, and Slavka sent me a smiley face to laugh at and said that I was deeply mistaken and ready to prove it. He made an appointment that same evening, and I said yes without hesitation. I wasn't, I wasn't!
Every day he came to see me. He gave me gifts, attention, and care that I'd missed for so long. I fell in love... Like a naive girl. I couldn't do it without him. So passed a month. And then something started to change. He often affected his employment, that he had no time, they said, to see you later. And so it lasted more than a week. His voice on the phone was calm, and my questions were answered:
"What happened?" He answered carelessly, "It's okay. It was another week... I was so depressed... I didn't want anything. I didn't eat or drink... I slept anxiously... I was thinking about him... About our meetings, about our nights when we were close. And constant tears... And then I was tired of all this...
My friends took me to the movies and I went there with them, though I didn't have time for any pointless movies. There was a smile on my face that disappeared the moment we went to the cinema, and there was Slavik in the arms with some long-legged, spectacular blonde who was laughing playfully at the whole room, and my Slavik was kissing her on the cheek and whispering something in her ear.
It got darker in my eyes. It was hard to breathe. My soul seemed to come out of me, and inside there was a gaping void and sizzling pain. My friends didn't see my embarrassment and, while they were still having fun, they went to buy tickets. And I dared to walk up to Slavik on my cotton feet and, wearing a joyful smile through the coming tears and pain, asked me loudly:
- Well, how does it rest? And someone once assured me that not all men are goats!
He immediately turned his head in my direction and his face darkened. He didn't seem to expect to see me here and today. The blonde woman looked at me in bewilderment, telling me who I was and what I needed from Glory? He swallowed his tongue without knowing what to say. And my friends came to me and took me under their arms and dragged me to the hall, saving me from the hysteria that would have happened in front of this hypocritical scoundrel.
I wasn't watching the movie, I was crying sneakily, so as not to show that I was worried or hurt. They never went into the hall... I guess a drop of conscience remained in his stale soul... I'm in pain now... I'm in a lot of pain... I hope the time will pass and I'll get over these failures... And now I understand that I have to go on and not bother with such punctures in my life...
And the rain, however, went outside the window ... Cold drops flew through the window sill. I went to bed, throwing a decayed cigarette into the ashtray. The first thing I'm going to do is quit smoking, and that habit is killing me. And then you will see...