-Agreement?
-You're human, and I'm... I'm a vampire.
-Now it doesn't matter.
-Do you even know how many people I have killed? And the main thing is that no conscience tormented me.
-You didn't know... I was looking for a reason to justify him.
-It had nothing to do with it! I was a man myself, and I didn't want to become a vampire at all.
-And... how did you become one? - I didn't find any other question, though I was really interested in knowing the answer to that question.
-The woman who turned me was my mother.
-What? My mother? But how?
-I know it seems inexplicable, but still. She became a vampire when I was ten. She also loved me, took care of me, and I didn't even know she was a vampire. For a very long time. When I was 16, she started telling me about vampires, how good they were, that she was immortal and all that. Even then, she was luring me to her side. On the day of my eighteenth birthday, she turned me. She said it was her gift to me. I didn't want to become a vampire, though I didn't quite know what it was. And how tortured it was for me. I was terribly thirsty. I was thirsty for blood. The first person I killed was my fiancée. It was like I didn't realize anything at the time. I always killed when I wanted to. I didn't think about anything when I was killing people. It was the norm for me. I didn't even realize I was taking someone else's life.
-But now you've changed. You're different. You're a good person.
-I'm afraid I'm even afraid to forget myself when I'm around you. When I kiss, I enjoy it first, and then I'm in terrible agony. I care about you very much. I want you to live. I don't want to kill you in a moment of forgetfulness. But at the same time, I'm attracted to you like a magnet. I want to be with you, I want to touch you, I want to kiss you, I even want you!
My thoughts are completely entangled in some knot that just can't be untied. At the same time, I wanted to run away somewhere and just press on to Ian and not let him go. I'm afraid of him and I love him. I don't even know what to do. I need to think things over, understand. Suddenly I realized I was shaking. Fear. Anyone else wouldn't have noticed it, but Ian wasn't.
Ian stopped the car abruptly and got out.
We were driving far enough away from home. On the road near the forest. But even everywhere you could have gotten home, though twice as long.
Ian ran into the woods very quickly, almost imperceptibly. I wanted to call him out first, but I didn't. He must have realized that I was afraid of him. I cried. I couldn't do anything about it. I was just sitting in his car crying. And he never came back. What did I do? I love him, don't I? I cried for fifteen minutes, and then I didn't even notice how I fell asleep. I woke up from the cotton closing the door. It was Ian. He came. I looked at him anxiously. His face didn't mean anything. He just sat down, drove the car, and drove me home.
-I'm sorry... That's all I could say.
-You have nothing to apologize for. It wasn't your fault, I scared you.
-Ian...
I wanted to take his hand by the side of him, but he took it away.
-If it wasn't my fault, why did you do this to me?
-I shouldn't have come up to you in the dining room then. Then at least you wouldn't be afraid of me.
-It's not like that. Yes, I was scared, I don't even know why, but I love you enough.
-Not enough! I don't want you to be afraid of me.
-Ian... please. - It was a real pain for me.
-We came. - He said he had a face that didn't mean anything.
The car stopped.
-Don't you want to be with me? I'd say you didn't need me! I love you, don't you? And he said that you love me... - With these words, I got out of the car and ran to the house. I ran into my room, lay down on the bed, and kept crying. If Ian hasn't left yet, he definitely hears my sobbing. Maybe he doesn't really need me. But then what was it all about?
I couldn't find the answers to all my questions, and there were so many of them.
When I woke up, it was getting darker. And I hadn't done my homework yet. After I did my homework, so my mother wouldn't see me, I went out into the garden, and out of there, I went into the woods. I didn't know what to do. At such moments I always went to the forest. Not really, though. There were no such moments in my life. There were similar moments, but definitely not like that. I have never felt so terrible before. I got to the very same tree that I used to sit on and think about when I was sick, sat on it, and leaned against the tree that was growing next to me. I wasn't crying. There were no more tears. Suddenly I heard a rustle like that woman, vampire, Ian's mother, chasing me. Suddenly I was caught up in some strange anger.
-Come on. Where are you? Come out and kill me! Is that what you wanted?! - I shouted.
I was far enough away from home, so even standing in the garden, no one would have heard me. At least the person was definitely there.