Just as a person encounters a traumatic event, he becomes numb, frustrated, and mentally weak. In fact, these symptoms also protect him from the event itself and therefore will not be killed.
If we try to change it and return it to its original state, then this person is likely to face not only the consequences of the event itself but also the pressure exerted by the surrounding people.
Therefore, once these bad symptoms are eliminated, this person will face all the painful things. No one wants to be in this situation, and the subconscious will prevent people from making such choices.
However, if a person supports this "protective" method for a long time, it will cause more problems and become an obstacle to "can't do it." Appropriate intervention is currently required.
If you can benefit from the disease, it is not easy to reject these benefits.
This is a common situation when a person can get a lot of benefits and satisfaction from this situation.
One of the most common examples: Many people know that smoking is unhealthy, but quitting smoking is difficult. People can't stop because of the thrill of smoking. Smoking hurts your body and is tantamount to achieving self-defense and self-punishment.
Another example: If family relationships are not harmonious, children often get sick or study. At this time, the contradiction between the husband and wife will be suspended, and all attention will be transferred to the child. In this case, the allowance for the child is that parents and fathers will not quarrel.
Faced with the many "benefits" of this disease, one does not want to give up easily.
Oh, I have to go through the past to achieve the goal of change.
Although everyone wants to make changes at the level of consciousness, he will unwittingly transfer the related experience in the past context to the current relationship with others, and in the past will deal with similar situations.
For example, if a person is separated from his mother in childhood, he will be afraid of deep feelings in the intimate relationship after adulthood. Once you notice that the relationship is tight, you will do something that destroys the relationship.
On the one hand, when a person does this, he can get rid of the experience of separating wounds. On the other hand, there is an expectation for this: now, you can change the results to beat the bad memories of the past, rather than the experience of the past to re-experience.
But in the process of changing past results, it is impossible to achieve. But this expectation also makes one want to go back to the past and experience the past.
All the above reasons may be the reason why we can't do this.
3. "What to do" is the process of "doing"
After you say "can't solve" and why you still have to ask: "What should I do?"
Example:
1: I am walking down the street. There was a deep hole in the sidewalk, and I fell into a hole, feeling helpless, desperate and helpless. This is not my fault! Anyway, I need to find a way out of trouble!
2: I walked along the street. There was a deep hole in the sidewalk, and I pretended not to see it, and then fell into the hole. I don't believe it at all, actually I fell into the same hole! But this is not my fault! I have to spend more time to go out.
3: I walked down the street and there was a deep hole in the sidewalk. I saw a hole there or fell. Got used to! I widened my eyes and I knew I fell into a hole, but it was not my fault! I will go out right away.
4: I walked down the street and there was a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walked around in the cave.
5: I am on the other road.
Just like a well-known hole, we need to go through several times and fall into the hole before we can cross the other way. It also fell into the hole, again and again, let us rush to find the answer "how to do it."
After learning "what" and "why", it is necessary to constantly understand and reflect on whether you want to get into trouble again. This is the process of making decisions, choices, and actions. The above point is precisely why we always fall into the same problem as "what" and "why".
This process is not a one-time process, but it must go through several regressions and transitions. Because the new experience caused by consciousness and reflection also needs to be repeated and consolidated to replace the old and inappropriate experience.
Through this process, we are also able to test and experience the process of “doing this operation”.
4. Don't be bothered by the question of “doing what”.
Finally, I want to tell you the truth about certain paradoxes: the more self-healing a person takes, the harder it is.
Since self sees healing itself as a new danger, when we want to completely cure ourselves, it is tantamount to suicide.
When we are addicted to the "what to do" problem, we really want to kill ourselves with someone else's hand, and the subconscious will also show crazy resistance.
So don't hang on the answer to asking "what to do", we can better treat the disease, we are not always eager to "kill" to kill them.
Congratulations, when you are studying "what" and "why", you are already on the road to "work".
