Hello, subscribers to my channel.
Each of you has experienced such a wonderful feeling as true love at least once in your life.
And let's try to deal with you today, what is love? What is it, true love between a man and a woman? How do you know if it's love or something else - attraction, love, friendship, just a habit, or even a painful addiction? Which love is stronger, based on friendship or mutual physical attraction? What is inherent in true love?
Such questions have long been asked by poets, scientists and, at least once in our lives, each of us. True love passes the test of difficulties in understanding each other, the test of time, overcomes the doubt in the unambiguity of this person's choice among all possible contenders for heart and place in life next to you.
The famous American psychologist Robert Sternberg, after many years of research, has concluded that true love has three components. By the way, his model of love withstood all possible and impossible criticism and was recognized as the closest to reality.
So, three obligatory components of the present love, it:
- Frankness or, as this component is also called, sincerity, trust, understanding, closeness, desire to help each other, community of feelings, mutual sympathy. It is the ability and desire to show his true face to the partner without fear and fear of being misunderstood, rejected, ridiculed, condemned. At the same time, you don't need to approve all the thoughts and actions of the loved one. You know him well and understand why he thinks and does so. Or at least you want to understand.
- Physical attraction, desire or subjective attractiveness of a partner of the opposite sex. This is exactly the form of communication that can only be between these two men and women. It is not inherent in friendship or other forms of love, such as kinship. Physical attraction is combustible for romantic feelings, has a stimulating effect on relationships and is a source of pleasure.
- Loyalty, devotion, commitment to being together, the desire to share the present and the future with a loved one. This includes a conscious intention and a conscious decision to remain faithful to your chosen one, despite the difficulties in the relationship. To love this person, despite the existence of other attractive objects of the opposite sex.
So, true love includes honesty, physical attraction and fidelity.
How to distinguish true love from love?
There are two kinds of love: passion and romantic love. The first is more inherent in the physical attraction and the lesser - honesty, sincerity, mutual trust. Romantic love includes both physical attraction and trust, understanding, common feelings. Will love grow into true love depends on the desire and willingness of two people to jointly solve problems, overcome difficulties, find mutual understanding, remain faithful to each other. As a rule, over time, the physical attraction, albeit a little, but decreases, and frankness, mutual understanding, community of feelings increase.
How to distinguish love from passion?
Everything is clear here: there is only desire, physical attraction, external, even if only subjective, attractiveness of the partner.
How do you tell love from friendship?
In friendship, there is sympathy, frankness, understanding, trust, loyalty, devotion, but no physical attraction, desire.
How to distinguish love from sympathy?
Everything is the same about friendship, except fidelity and devotion. How to distinguish love from affection (habits of being together)? In this case, there is no honesty, sincerity, understanding, trust, sympathy and as a consequence, there is no real intimacy between partners.
This may have been the case some time ago, but at the moment and in recent times there has been no community of feelings, no open communication. There is no physical attraction, no desire. There is only inertial attachment, loyalty to the old habit.
How to distinguish love from addiction?
In the first months after acquaintance, at the peak of emotions and in the power of overpowering passion, love can be taken for addiction. Love, caused by a hormonal surge, can not last more than six months - a year and a half. Dependence, on the other hand, can last for years and even get stronger with time.
Love addiction presupposes emotional helplessness and "physical un coordination" of a person's actions without his or her object of love.
This includes:
- a feeling of joy and pleasure from life only in the presence of a partner,
- a closed circle of interests only on the object of love,
- the latter must live for the sake of the loving-dependent, to satisfy his emotional and other needs,
- inability to independently influence their emotional state,
- inability to independently satisfy their emotional needs,
- full dependence of the mood on the actions or inaction of the object of love,
- inability to receive help and support from others loved ones and friends.
There are two types of love addiction, and although there may seem to be little resemblance between them, these are two sides of the same coin.
Either the person clings to the object of his love, or deliberately repels for fear of losing his autonomy and getting into the same dependence. And the greater the risk of getting attached, losing control over his emotions, the more desperate he will be to avoid what he calls "love".
But let's return to true love.
And does it exist, this perfect, perfect love?
Someone will not hesitate to say "yes", and someone will think that it is very difficult, almost impossible, to find, or rather to achieve such love.
Perhaps everything you can imagine and are ready to fight for. Love is a dynamic process, and what kind of love you will have depends on your efforts. And true love begins with a desire to give love and readiness to be loved.
Love and be loved!
