Nageki didn't remember much. Minutes, hours, days... Time merged into one lane, like trees behind a glass, when you travel by train for a long time. It's like sleeping in a dream when it's not clear: you're awake and seeing reality or still asleep.
As if you dissolve into the world, becoming a part of it... And your thoughts are not yours anymore, but consist of fragments of strangers, accidentally planted to you by the universe...
The Nageki came closer to the window. There were trees behind him - the library was a success. From its windows you could see most of St. Pigeonians and the surrounding area. Nageki always considered this place one of the most convenient for observation.
That's why he spent so much time here.
Of course, books were also important, but still... He forgot a lot and sometimes seemed to disappear. When he came back, he often didn't remember what was going on at all and how much time had passed.
These failures did not bother the Nageki. He could just look out the window and think about everything and nothing at the same time...
There's only two sides to it. And it's up to you which one to choose.
Nageki liked its existence - and at the same time did not like it. When he got tired of looking out the window, he opened another book or watched the students of St. Pigeonians - it was even more interesting. The students were hanging around without paying any attention to him - and it made them happy, but at the same time it made them upset. Because sometimes even Nageki wanted some attention.
But if he had, he would have been scared and tried to hide.
Nageki himself knew this, so he tried not to think, watching the days, months and seasons change...
He didn't know how long it had been since he first showed up at the library before he met Hiyoko. How many times had the leaves flown and then appeared again to enliven the landscape outside the window. Maybe one, maybe ten...
Hiyoko was hard to miss, she was human. Watching her was even more interesting than watching the other students at St. Pigeon's. Everything about her - from her appearance to her outlook - was unusual, not what he was used to.
She also noticed him. Always, from the very first meeting. Hiyoko talked to him, and Nageki didn't want to hide at all.
When Hiyoko came to see him, Nageki felt more real, as if her presence was bringing reality closer to him. The last stop of the train was when the trees outside the window no longer merge into an endless line, but stop on the spot. It's as if you know you're going to wake up now.
On the one hand it was admirable, but on the other hand it was frightening. Nageki wasn't sure if he wanted to wake up.
Next to Hiyoko, thoughts became clearer, as did memories. The more often she came, the more conscious the world around her became. Reality was imminent, and with it came back what Nageki chose to forget.
He felt that something else would happen. Something irreparable, but sweet, liberating, but unwanted.
The Nageki didn't even notice how much he fell in love.
On a beautiful spring day, when the bright foliage shone in the sun and Hiyoko promised to come in the evening, he realized it. And almost immediately, how hopeless and ridiculous it was.
The ghost of a bird fell in love with a living person.
He still didn't remember why he became a ghost because he didn't want to remember. Nageki was sure that his memory of the past wouldn't do him any good, but he was curious.
There are two sides to everything, and it all depends on your choice.
But, it seems, his desires were not so important here anymore. Because he was beginning to be seen. The students of St. Regis looked directly at him. The Nageki didn't know what they saw, but it scared them. So he started coming to the library at night.
Hiyoko came to see him even then, even if not very often. Time began to slow down again, merging into a single mass without sides. Nageki couldn't say that he wasn't happy with it. Time was both his defense and his cage at the same time...
One day, Hiyoko just realized. The Nageki saw it on her strange human face, and then the memories rushed as if the dam was bursting out as if the sea was out of its shores, as if thousands of worms were swarming in his head now, preventing him from concentrating on one thing. Hiyoko rushed to him...
And for the first time, I was able to touch
It was strange. It was incredibly beautiful. Unusual, frightening, strange, pleasant... Nageki could not decide which side to choose.
He didn't want to.
He looked at Hiyoko, trying to understand his memories. All he could see in his head was fragments, but he already understood why he liked people so much. And why did Hiyoko see him?
Because he wanted it himself.
I wanted forgiveness.
Nageki coughed and said the words hoarsely, as if after a long sleep.
- I remembered something," said Nageki. - Why am I here? And if that had been enough to go on, then leave the world at last...
He stopped and looked into Hiyoko's face. Then he raised his wing and gently touched her cheek. The feathers became more material than ever before, and the touch became weightier.
- ...That's not true now. I can't leave...
Hiyoko smiled sadly and Nageki realized one simple thing that he was not afraid to say out loud right now. It wasn't like him at all, but...