The story of the recent rice cake children’s physical class has really made me laugh and cry.
There is a project in the class, which is a time-lapse obstacle course. After the game is over, the coach will report the results directly.
Taking advantage of the empty space of the game and drinking water, the rice cake ran over and said to me: "Mom, have you seen it, I just ran the first place."
In fact, I watched every game very carefully, so I quickly corrected him: "No, there are two children in front of you, one for 1 minute and 50 seconds, one for 1 minute and 40 seconds."
When the rice cake children heard it, they immediately collapsed: " No, I am the first. You don't want to say that..."
The child has a mystery of narcissism about "I am the best".
But there is a word called "Just is easy to fold" ah children!
No, the blow is coming soon -
On that day, a kindergarten girl from the same kindergarten came to the house to play. Two children played the game of throwing the ball - just like throwing a dart, throwing the ball onto a sticky felt disc, each ring on the disc has fraction.
The little girl threw it and threw a 100 point. The girl mother happily praised her.
The rice cake kid is not happy - he has never thrown it for 100 minutes, even his best friend can't!
The mood is not good all night.
Maybe at this time, many parents will think, "How can this child not lose so?"
A good heart is not a bad thing, but what Mom wants to emphasize is that winning is not the same as fighting for the first.
The excitement of the child at this stage actually means that he has made great progress in the concept of "self"!
One of the most important aspects of self -concept is self-esteem.
The child's self-esteem and his own evaluation will affect his emotional experience, future behavior, and self-confidence.
When children reach their age of 4, their self-esteem begins to sprout, but they are still difficult to distinguish between ideal and practical ability, and they also underestimate the difficulty of the task.
Everything wants to fight for the first, and can't afford to lose. In the eyes of the parents, it becomes a slightly strange victory.
Since this triumph of "self" is so important, what should we do?
At least, not the old people’s mouths, everything must be “first”
For example, in order to let children eat more, the elderly at home always like to eat and win together:
"You have to eat a little more today, you can run first tomorrow."
"You have a good meal today, and tomorrow will be better than xxx."
"The rice cake is going to be the first place to eat today~"
You see, eating is the most time that a child should relax and enjoy during the day. It is so hard to be tied up with the "first fight".
I and Mom Dad made up their minds at the time: in the future, we must never say "You must be the first."
We all feel that it is the common responsibility of parents to let children have the courage and confidence to constantly surpass themselves.
But this expectation is also a kind of pressure; if parents always put "first" on their lips, stress will bring side effects to children - nervousness and anxiety.
Dr. Cohen once told a story: A mother asked the teacher not to redeem her son's homework because it meant that he did not get 100 points, so the child would collapse as soon as he saw red.
Those children who have been indoctrinated from a young age, everything in their eyes are like "red ink", always worrying that they are not doing well enough to meet the standards of adults, but it is easier to back down and give up.
The use of "first" to intentionally or unintentionally evaluate a child is equivalent to letting the child be forced into the adult world and obeying the arrangement of the adult, undermining his construction of the "self, self-esteem" evaluation system.
What is it that makes the child better and better and can make him dare to challenge?
You can make him believe that every choice he has can gain your understanding and support, and the result of any effort is to be proud and affirmed.
So try to make choices for your children and respect their choices when they can make choices.
Recently, the kindergarten of the rice cake asked the children to practice the ball, and the results will be announced.
Every class, I will tell the rice cake truthfully, his current level and ranking in the class - although he can stay in the top ten, but did not reach the first he wants.
I told him: "You are already very good. You won't shoot the ball at the beginning. You can now practice 160 shots in a row. Mom is very proud."
The rice cake asked me: "When can I get the first place?"
I said, "You have to get the first, it is entirely possible. Then we have to finish the meal every day, play less for a while, practice more shots. And you may be more tired. Because It is not easy to progress from more than 160 to nearly 200."
Then, is the rice cake catching up?
No. After a while, he felt that he still played the important and very calm acceptance of the current ranking.
Of course, I also respect his choice: he has already worked hard, and he is not the first, it is his own decision.
Since childhood, I am also a child who is "forever the first".
But after the university, my aunt no longer asked me to score good, I lost the direction of my efforts.
Later I discovered that the best motivation is not from who told you what to do, it grows in your heart. You are eager to better your own self-drive, then who told you to fight for the first powerful and numerous times.
Success and first, never been the same thing.
In the face of winning or losing, children who can hold a normal heart; children who can judge their choices and make decisions on their own will not only suffer from the consequences but also appreciate the joy of the hard work.
For children, this is the driving force for his growth, which is more important than any “first” that can be obtained now.
The germination of the child's little self is the cornerstone of his self-confidence, self-esteem, and willingness to work hard to be a better self.
What we have to do is to support and respect the growing up of this little self. We can tolerate different choices and allow children to make decisions that are truly their own.