One
Japanese writer yukitaro Isaka once said: "the idea of parenthood without examination, I think it is terrible."”
Yeah, it's scary, but it's what parents do to us from generation to generation.Most of the parenting experience that parents get comes from their own parents and their own instincts.
Parents fall through the cracks when they educate themselves, and fall through the cracks when they become parents.Like ... ：
When you do something wrong as a child, you will be threatened by your parents 'teeth:" you do it again, I do not love you"; and when your children make mistakes, you will burst out of the power: "why do you do this?Again, I don't love you."I completely forgot what my parents did to me, and I gave it to my kids," she said.
As a child in high spirits to work for my mother, not the clean ground dragged like a big flower face, is smeared on the table when smashing beautiful vase, the result was reprimanded by parents, they never want to help my mother work; and when their children are so demanding, you also because of "Don't mess around", " I'm too busy, Nor does it make you think about the impact it will have on your child.
Childhood parents often fooled: "the final exam first, our family to travel.“It turns out, " mom and dad are too busy, next time!"Gorgeous renegade.And when you're a parent, you make promises that you can't do or don't want to do.Have you ever thought about the consequences of doing this?
By genetic educational philosophy and human instinct, really do not do good parents.
Education is a skill that can be learned and promoted through learning.
Two
This is what Erica reschel put forward in her new book, " guidelines for the practice of quality parenting-75 golden rules for nurturing children's emotional and social skills."
Erica reschell, Ph. D., Department of Psychology/Human Development, University of Chicago, honorary graduate of Princeton University, former consultant to McKinsey, member of the Advisory Board“happy Health baby”.
After the birth of her first child, Erica, like other mothers, is full of hope for the growth of the child, hoping to be a good mother, nurtured a good child.
She has flipped through many children's books, hoping to find a”best practice " book to guide her parenting.At the same time, she started a private project: to bring together a lot of good parents to conduct seminars, hoping to learn from these good parents, to parenting good practices.
In the process of dealing with these families, hoping to popularize the idea of these simple and practical methods, to benefit more families, is Erica's intention to draw up the book.
Raising children is both fun and challenging.
Each pair of parents are full of many beautiful expectations before the child is born, I hope they are the best parents;I hope the child is the best child; I hope the parent-child relationship is also the parent and the teacher and friends.
And what about reality?
Sometimes feel that the child is an angel, so that his heart is full of infinite love; sometimes doubt, the child is sent to punish their demons, one after another trouble, there is a sense of powerless loss.
Former Soviet educator sukhomlinski said: to educate good children, it is necessary to constantly improve educational skills.To improve the educational skills, then you need to pay the personal efforts of parents, continue to learn themselves.
Erica reschel agrees: to change a child's behavior, you must first start by changing yourself.
Three
Erica reschel's 75 golden rules, nurturing children's emotional and social skills, are to give parents the skills to improve skills.
In simple terms, it is to grasp the three key points of the basic method of education: acceptance, boundaries, consistency.
Isn't that simple? But to do it, quite not easy.
First talk about acceptance.
Can you accept the child's strengths, but can you embrace the child's weaknesses? Can you accept your own merits, but can you acknowledge yourself imperfectly in front of the child and apologize to the child?
Chinese parents, most pay attention to their own authority, to apologize to the child? I can't do that. how are we going to make it in front of our kids?
Again, the line.
Can you define the scope of what's going on between a parent and a child? Can you not arbitrarily interfere with the child's feelings and decisions? Can you make the expectations and family rules for your child clear and reasonable?
What about consistency? What is consistency?
It is not only the child's words and actions should be consistent, as a parent must also be consistent with words and deeds, known as Unity. Can you do that?
For example, you warned your child that if you were to buy another toy, you would immediately leave the toy store, and what? You've been warning over and over, but you've never moved your feet.；
For example, you warned the child, get up must be dressed, or let TA wear pajamas to school, the result? You still grab the late before, three or two to help TA put on the school bus.
Have you considered the profound impact on your child when it comes to words and actions?
What did you do on the three key points of acceptance, boundaries, and consistency?
Four
So based on the above three key points, Erica parents in parenting problems, given 75 of the golden rule, and each has a corresponding method of operation, like a guide to action, in which aspects of parenting encounter problems, can find the corresponding method in the book.
As a parent, you should understand a natural law, that is, the degree of brain development of children and adults is not the same, the part of the child's brain to perform the act is not fully developed, therefore, their brain has a curious, flexible characteristics, not like adults can concentrate, the child will often be in a state of distraction.
Understanding the physical difference in this life is the basis on which you accept a lot of children in your opinion unreasonable behavior.
Parents should change themselves, leaning down, from the child's point of view and physiological level, to experience the child's feelings, look at the child's behavior, and then adult thinking, to rational analysis, and make the appropriate teaching behavior.
Only in this way, parents will have empathy, to perceive the child's feelings, teach them to experience their own feelings, choose their own behavior, rather than eager to "change" the child's feelings, help children develop good habits, and respect the child's world.
Remember "mom is Superman" in, uh-huh stepped on the tip of the sore cry, mother Huo Siyan's treatment, called the textbook method.
She first put her arm around him, looked at the bottom of his feet and said: "step on the tip of things, really is very painful."”
To appease the mightily mournful mood, she went looking for something sharp.It turned out to be a pointy toy part.
'If you drop something on the toy, put it on the side first, or you can't touch it a bit higher,' Ms Hobson said.If you put someone else to, the same pain.
She stabbed the toy parts in the soles of her feet, showing a painful expression, and said: "no wonder you just so painful."”
At this time the well-he turned into a warm man, said to my mother, then you hurry to take it away.He had forgotten his pain and went to care for his mother.
Then also asked Mom: "do you love me?"Huo Siyan said: "distressed ah, the heart is dying.”
Well, feel shy up, comfort Huo Siyan: "never mind, in a few days.”
Huo Siyan first use empathy, to understand the child's feelings, and then to teach children how to do, the child's acceptance degree is very high, the child will know how to deal with.
Five
The child is a lovely little trouble.If parents use instinct to love children, will cause the child is cute, you put TA holding in the palm;when the child is not obedient, You Hate never had such a”trouble".
Treating children differently in different moods will have disastrous consequences for their growth and development.
So, how rational parents, words and deeds in unity to resolve these problems one by one, and these problems into a child growing up in a successful teaching case, it is necessary to master the skills, an education skills.
Anthropologist Margaret Mead once said that she could not understand the way people viewed things: we had laws requiring everyone to have a driver's license to drive, but we allowed parents to educate their children without looking at their educational abilities.
"Quality parenting practice guide-75 golden rule to develop children's emotional and social skills" provides a lot of practical teaching methods: the use of empathy, accept the child's original face, to verify the feelings of choice of behavior, distinguish between goals and behaviors, pause replay drills behavior, positive discipline, emphasis on parent-child relationship, etc., it is a children's education